Just wanted to give all of you a follow-up to my post from last week about meeting with my dad this weekend.
Even though I was extremely nervous driving over there, I was amazed at how calm I became once I got out of the car and walked to the door. Don't get me wrong. I was still nervous, but what I mean is I started going into this peaceful calm inside. It's really hard to describe but somehow I had convinced myself that I didn't need to obsess about every little thing I was going to say or worry about how I might answer any questions he might ask.
He was the one who asked if we could meet, so I was just going to be myself -- as best I could -- and hear him out.
Remember those three things I mentioned in my last post that I was going to keep in the forefront? I think I went over and over and over them so many times before Saturday that they got absorbed into my mind and in my heart. I'm so pleased with myself for taking those three things seriously because they sure paid off.
Just to recap, here's what I'm referring to:
1. I have my faults like everybody else, but at my core? I'm perfect just the way I am.
2. I don't need my dad's acceptance or approval. If I get it, fine. If I don't get it, fine. The only person who needs to accept and approve of me? Bradley.
3. I have an open mind and an open heart and I am strong enough to protect both. I have my faults like everybody else, but at my core? I'm perfect just the way I am.
I need just a little bit more time to sort through everything that happened, so I'll post something shortly about the details.
So just let me say briefly that we had a nice lunch together (he paid!), and then we went back to the house. It was pretty obvious he was extremely nervous, but I just sat back and let him do the talking since this was his idea. I got a little nervous at this point, but I remembered to just breathe and somehow I got myself calm.
I listened to everything he said and didn't interrupt. After he was finished, he asked if we could talk about the things he brought up, and I asked some questions. Then we had a pretty lengthy discussion that was civil and respectful -- on both sides.
When we got to the end, I simply said I appreciated what he had to say but needed a little time to take it all in. He nodded and said he understood. We didn't make any further plans beyond that, but it was pretty clear the next move will be mine. When I'm ready.
I would like to share some of the details and get everyone's feedback, but like I said, I just need a few more days to organize my thoughts.
The main thing that came out of this for me? Like the title of the post says, I remembered who I was. I didn't have anything to justify or prove. I kept an open mind and an open heart.
Oh, and maybe the most important thing was, I'm stronger than I was aware. And, at the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, I'm pretty damn proud of myself.