I've made a lot of progress in coming to terms with my ADHD, but sometimes it still feels like this huge burden, especially when I'm trying to slow my thinking down and stay focused on the really important things.
One thing I do to help matters is keeping a journal of the more persistent random thoughts that keep fighting for space in my head. Not sure why this helps. Maybe when I write these thoughts down, the thoughts feel I'm taking them seriously and they don't have to scream so loud.
Just some random thoughts that have been running through my head lately. . .
1. How much of my sense of humor is just a natural core part of my personality, and how much is a way to get people to like me because I'm basically insecure inside?
2. Did I decide to get a college degree because it's what was expected of me by others and I was afraid to assert my individuality? Was I afraid people would think I was not intelligent because I wanted to do more manual, blue collar work? My greatest ambition is to own my own business some day, so I guess my business degree might have a little value, but still, my academic business curriculum has been sooooo BORING!
3. When I was attacked, did I make myself an easier target by being so open about being gay? Was I focusing too much on my sexual orientation instead of focusing on just being a typical teenager?
4. When I'm on social media, why do I pretend to be so turned on by pictures of hyper-masculine men, when they don't do that much for me? Am I afraid of not fitting in? If people knew I was more drawn to attractive but ordinary-looking guys, will people think I'm more romantically driven than lust driven? And why is that a bad thing?
5. Why am I ashamed to admit that I have a hard time reading novels? It takes me forever to finish a book because I'm very picky and get bored easily. When I hear people talking about reading three or four books (or more) a month, why do I feel ashamed that it might take me a month or longer to finish one book?
6. When I'm arguing with someone and suddenly realize I'm wrong, I can never just admit it on the spot. I always have to get off by myself for a while so I can "recover" before admitting I was wrong. And "recover" what? What the hell was at stake anyway?
So there you have it. Just a few of the many random thoughts that take up space in my head.