Saturday, February 22, 2014

My strength

I'm actually writing this on Friday night and wanted to let you guys know I really appreciate all the love and care and support you've given me this week. I'm meeting with my dad today.

I didn't mention in my earlier post this week that my dad has contacted me three or four times over the past month just to check in with me. No heavy conversations. No discussion of "issues" or anything like that. Once he asked about how my classes were going. Once he asked if Matty and I might like this really nice bookcase he made years ago. That kind of thing. Just short and simple conversations.

I was very aware of the tone of his voice and tried to hear if there was anything fake or false in it. I'm trying not to over-analyze everything, but I guess that's to be expected.

I had my counseling session this week and my therapist (who has a doctorate in psychology) said a lot of the same things all of you said in your comments to my post. As if I didn't already know it, you guys are very smart and wise and all deserve a doctor's degree! So please accept this "Ph.D. Degree" from The University of Bradley!! LOL

Just to recap:

I have my faults like everybody else, but at my core? I'm perfect just the way I am.

I don't need my dad's acceptance or approval. If I get it, fine. If I don't get it, fine. The only person who needs to accept and approve of me? Bradley.

I have an open mind and an open heart and I am strong enough to protect both.

Love you all.

18 comments:

  1. Hi Brad. It seems that you've got a great mindset for this. I think it's a good sign that your dad called you up a few times. Whatever happens, I know you're ready. In my heart of hearts I know your dad loves you. He just needs to see your version of you. We'll be there in spirit. Love & ((hugs))

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  2. Keeping you in my thoughts today and sending supportive vibes. You are ready for this!
    You're recap was excellent, Brad. You've got the right mindset , as Mary said. You are perfect as you are and you are strong. Mighty Bradley strike again.
    Lots of hugs!

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  3. "I have an open mind and an open heart and I'm strong enough to protect both."

    I LOVE that sentiment!! That one is totally going in my quote file! Good luck to you, Brad, although I'm thinking you don't need it. <3

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  4. Hi Brad,

    With greatest honor, I accept my doctorate degree awarded by the University of Bradley (or is it Bradley University?). I will proudly display it next to my doctorate diploma from the University of Dr.Suess (that I was most fortunate to find at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box).

    You are already far ahead of me with respect to your dad. At least he mentioned Matt. To my father, Jerry was unspeakable and his name was never, ever mentioned.

    I was incorrect when I earlier said I never had any reconciliation with my dad. After a long period with no contact, when, my mother was dying at the hospital after a very long illness, a lesbian social worker talked to my father about reconciling. I was in my early 30's at the time.

    We did reconcile a bit, I even played golf with my dad several times, went to his wedding when he remarried, helped him move, etc. But Jerry was never mentioned, let alone asked about or discussed.

    It all unraveled after my father and new wife saw Jerry and and me eating out at a restaurant. At that point we had been together for over 20 years. You would have thought after all that had gone under the bridge about gay rights he would have softened, but he never really did.

    Well, sorry about going on about myself. In your case, there are definite signs that your Dad has made some progress. I will be thinking of you and very much hope it goes well.

    Regards,

    Dr. Andy

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  5. Oh, Bradley, your comments are wonderful. I, too, love the ending statement about heart, strength and protection.

    My biggest worry has always been that your dad would still have the ability to pull you back to an earlier way of thinking about yourself. But if this post is anything to go by, you have made huge strides in the opposite direction.

    Always remember, you are as you were meant to be, there is nothing to explain, he has been gifted with a perfect son and should be thankful for the gift. Anything else is HIS issue.

    You will be in my thoughts today, sweetheart. Take care. (((Hugs)))

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  6. Thinking of you today, Brad, and sending loving thoughts to you and your Dad. Your recap shows you know and value yourself and that's what counts the most. *hugs*

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  7. I hope things go well with your dad. I think his reaching out to you in simple, easy ways means a lot. Him mentioning Matt is also telling. Perhaps he's realized what he's missing in life by not having a good relationship with you and he wants to fix that. I hope so.

    Please let us know how it goes! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  8. Brad as I've said on facebook via Matt's timeline, You are a much loved part of our little "internet family". After reading this looks like you have a pretty good handle on the situation. You're gonna be fine kiddo. You're gonna be better than fine. You're Fabulous! <3

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  9. I'm going to be thinking of you all day today Bradley. You are a strong and courageous young man. This visit will go well or you will take it in, process it and realize it's not you with the problem, you are perfect. If someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally can't accept any part of you, they aren't worthy of your love and respect.

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  10. With that approach, Brad, you can't lose. Good luck!

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  11. Big hugs, Brad. You are perfect <3 Pamela

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  12. Brad, you are so perfect just the way you are. We here all love you for you. I hope that all goes well, though. It's so much nicer when the visit is a good one. You know what one of the most fantastic and beautiful things I've heard all day? This came from you, sweet Bradley. When you said, "I have an open mind and an open heart and I am strong enough to protect both." I felt such a rush of pride for you for you realizing and believing that you are good enough just the way you are and no one has the power to bring you down.

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  13. I hope today's meeting brings you a better, closer relationship with your father, Brad. And if it can't, knowing you have the strength to deal with that and continue living your life as it should be lived is a powerful thing. *hugs*

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  14. Your perfect Brad, and well said!

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  15. Good luck, Brad. Hope all goes well. No matter what happens, you ARE perfect the way you are, and people love you--real people and virtual people. :)

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  16. You're a very strong person, Brad! I hope the meeting with your dad is going to be a positive experience :)
    *hugs*

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  17. Hi Bradley,

    Thinking of you and hope that everything went well with your dad.

    **hugs**

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  18. I hope everything went well with your dad. It sounds like you had a great attitude and were ready for whatever happened. ((hugs))

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