Dear friends of Brad and Matt:
I know the guys have told you some of my background and they asked me if I would like to write something introducing myself to all of you.
This might be a little brief for the first time but here goes:
My name is Sam and I just had a birthday last month and turned 19. I have known Brad for the longest since we went to the same middle school together and we have been tight friends since then. Since they have been together I have gotten to know Matt and I feel really close to him now. Both of them have been good friends and they both have helped me when I needed somebody I could trust and count on.
I have sandy colored hair and blue eyes and I'm 5 feet 10 inches tall. I like to be outdoors as much as I can and right now I work for this landscaping company which I like a lot. It blows me away how much people will pay to have a nice yard but I'm also glad because it is my job. I don't completely like the way I look and wish I could gain some weight and also put some muscle on me, so I have been trying to eat things that will help me do that and also trying to work out more but it is taking time and I'm trying to be patient which does not come easy for me.
I still live with my parents and things have been pretty tense between us for the longest time. I don't have any brothers or sisters so it's just me. I have been going to counseling at this really cool place they have for gay youth like me. There's a counselor I meet with once a week and then I'm in this group counseling also once a week. That can get pretty rough some times but it has helped me feel like there are others going through similar things. I have started opening up more but I worry others will think I'm just complaining and say Grow Up but so far that has not happened so I keep trying to be honest and try to trust. They also have this person called a Case Manager and she helps me with things like trying to find a better job and any medical help I might need and also what to do if I feel unsafe at home or really any where, including if I am being bullied. We also get information about alcohol and drugs and also about safe sex, even though that doesn't apply to me just yet, ha ha!
We have to keep a journal at this program where we keep track of our feelings and things we think about and that has been very helpful to me. I even wrote a poem about something that happened in a group session and I told my counselor about the poem and he asked if I wanted to share it with him, so I did. He liked it but I thought it was a little juvenile so we ended up talking about how I don't think stuff I do is any good and he tried to convince me otherwise. I was going to write out the poem here today but I think I want to wait on that for now.
I don't want to bore every body with every single detail of my life and I especially don't want people to feel sorry for me, not saying any body here would do that but that is just the way my mind works I guess.
I told my counselor I was going to write this for Brad and Matt's blog and he always gives me homework assignments each week which he cleverly calls "challenges" and my challenge for the blog is to be sure and mention 3 things I like about myself. I got him to whittle that down to just one because 3 sounds too much and he agreed. He said one would be fine for the blog but I have to give him 3 things in our next session. I thought that was reasonable so here goes:
I am trying really hard to love myself. I know that may sound conceited but I don't mean it like that. I don't get close to many people but when I do trust some one, like really trust them, I show them my true feelings and try really hard to let them care about me. But the hard part about this is (according to my counselor) is that when I let some one care about me it means I feel worthy of it. If you know me, that is one of the hardest things to do. I care about other people more than I care about myself but I like that I am trying to feel the same way about me. I can do this with Brad and Matt because I trust them 100%. So I guess that is one thing I like about myself.
I hope this wasn't too boring lol and I want to say thank you to Brad and Matt for letting me introduce myself to every body. I hope you have a nice day.
P.S. There is a cute story behind the title I gave for this post. When I was very little my grandmother use let me sit in her lap and would read me that Dr. Seuss story about Green Eggs and Ham and she nicknamed me Sam-I-Am after the boy in the story. I use to love it when she would call me that because it made me feel special and that she liked me and really loved me. I don't tell too many people about this because it was something special between her and me. She said I was her very special Sam-I-Am. At the time it would make me giggle when she called me that but deep down inside I believed she meant I was special to her. She died last year and I miss her a lot. I think she would be proud of me for trying to be a good person and if she is looking down on me now, I don't want to let her down. I miss you gandma.