Jockstrap Cowboys

An Update

Hey, thanks to everyone who contacted us about what we're up to! We haven't been posting on a regular basis lately and it's nice to know many of you wondered if we were okay.

Well, we've been trying to plan some time off from work so we can enjoy the summer. We'll be away this weekend on a little excursion to Cape Cod with some friends of ours. It'll be nice to get a break from work and just relax.

Santa arriving at the beach by boat.
 National Archives of Australia

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. I think in some parts of the world this is winter, which has always been a weird thing to understand! So, whether you're in a summer climate with plenty of hot blazing sun, or in a winter climate with shivering cold weather, hope you're able to take some time to relax!

Talk to everyone next week!

The Expressions on Their Face

Where are they?

Why are they there?

And those facial expressions! That's why I like this picture. I think that's where this story is. Read their faces. What are they thinking?

My Mystery Date

My first Wednesday date with Matt last week went so well I decided to ask him out this week. He took me to this really nice restaurant in Salem (yep, the witch town) and we had a nice view of the harbor.

He was so sweet when I called him the other day and asked him out. I could tell he was trying not to act too eager, like he was playing it cool. But I could hear the excitement he was trying to hide in his voice, and that made me smile. It also gave me a little flutter in my stomach to know he was excited but didn't want to come across as overeager.

One thing I like about dating him is how outgoing he is, which makes me feel more at ease because I'm somewhat shy. I feel more confident in keeping the conversation going because it's a lot easier for me to respond to the witty things he comes up with than to come up with things to talk about.

I thought about taking him to a movie but changed my mind when I thought about how we'd just be sitting there not able to talk to each other for about 2 hours in a big dark room with lots of other people. I wanted to go to this particular movie but I knew there'd be a packed house with probably every seat taken. Not appealing.

So I decided I'd rather take him to a quieter place where we could just talk, with him taking the lead, of course. Him being Mr. Charming/Witty and me being Mr. Let Me Just Stare Into Your Beautiful Eyes While You Charm Me.

The restaurant where I work is located relatively close to a medium size university and there's this really funky restaurant a couple of streets over. That's where I wanted to take him.

Well imagine how I felt when my boss called early Wednesday morning and said he needed to change my schedule for that day from the lunch shift to the dinner shift. I asked him if I could call Brian, one of the regular dinner shift servers, to see if I could get him to cover me Wednesday night and I could take his Thursday shift. He said, sure.

Brian said he wasn't able to make the change. So now I'm stuck with working on our Date Night. I got really disappointed about this and it taught me I need to be a lot more flexible. I don't even want to analyze why this rattled me like it did. I have counseling later today. {*sigh*}

I called Matt and asked if we could reschedule our date from Wednesday to Thursday night. He said, "Sure. No problem. It'll give me one extra day to get excited about seeing you." 

Now I ask you. In addition to being one of the sweetest things I've ever heard, why can't I think of responses like that? I mean he didn't even miss a beat! How does he do that? I got my smile back and my mood went from disappointed to excited.

So fast forward to Wednesday night. I'm all decked out in my black pants, white shirt, black vest and black bow tie. The lunch shift is less formal, but I'm actually feeling all sexy and cute in this getup. Similar to this ---->

Wearing this outfit gives me some confidence to work a little harder for my tips. Brian told me there are four or five women friends who are regular diners on Wednesday nights and they're always flirting with him. Just innocent flirting. He also told me when they sign their check the line that says, "Tip" is often in the 30% + range. He told me if I "worked it" right, it could be a good night. Shameless, I know, but hey, I'm in college and tuition and books aren't cheap. Right?

So after I had been at work for about an hour, one of the other servers comes back in the kitchen where I am and tells me, "Hey Brad, there's a really sexy man at table 7 who's asking for you."

"What?"

"Table 7. He just asked me to get 'that cute waiter who just went in the back'."

"Are you serious? No way. Where's Roger? I'm not working that table. This is too creepy."

"Roger said he knows the guy and wants you to take it."

At this point I go to the window and look out. Guess who's sitting at table 7? There's my date for Thursday night. Matt. All dressed up. Looking at the menu.

I walk out to table 7 and just stand there. Matt looks up, smiles, puts the menu down, and stands up. He leans in and gives me a quick kiss. Then walks to the other side of the table, pulls the chair out, and waits for me to sit. I'm in panic mode at this point, wondering what the hell is going on and thinking I probably just lost my job.

Roger, the manager for the night, walks over, takes my order pad from me, smiles, and says to both of us, "Your server tonight, Brian, will be over in just a moment to take your order."

The women at table 6, the big-tip flirters, look around and are all smiling at us. I'm looking back at Matt, my head tilted, still in some kind of panic mode, waiting. He's beaming, all smiles.

"Hi. I'm Matt. I'm not in the custom of picking up cute waiters but I couldn't help myself tonight. I'd like to buy you dinner."

At this point I'm looking from Matt, to the kitchen door, noticing Roger and Brian talking, and back to Matt.

"I hear the seafood here is quite good," Matt says with a smile.

"Can I ask you to please tell me what's going on here?"

"Well, I just came in for dinner and thought you might like to join me."

Our server, Brian (the one who couldn't work for me this night), walks up at this point, introduces himself, hands me a menu, and goes through the specials for the night. With a total straight face. I'm starting to think I just dropped in one of those alternate universes.

"I'll give you gentlemen a moment to decide." And Brian walks off.

Mysterious Matt reaches across the table, covers my hand with his, and says, "I lied when I said I could wait until Thursday to see you. I thought I could, but I couldn't. I hope it was okay that I arranged this whole thing. Roger okayed it and everybody's in on it. Everything's cool. And I've heard the seafood here is really good. See anything you like?"

"You're being serious. This is really happening?"

"I'm being really serious that I couldn't wait until Thursday to see you. Hey, I liked the sound of the first special Brian just mentioned. Would you like to... What's the matter? Are you okay?"

He reached across the table and wiped a tear away that I didn't even know was there.

We had a really nice dinner Wednesday night and I went home with him afterwards. I think I'm going to like these Wednesday night dates. Maybe next Wednesday we'll finally get to that funky restaurant around the corner. And that one is my treat.

Falling In Love Again Every Day

When I was talking to you about the stuff I've been through in my past and was feeling down about it all, you said, "When you think about how far you've come, it's pretty amazing."


When we were getting ready to go to that party where I didn't know anybody and I worried about what people would think if I wore some eyeliner and nail polish, you said, "Everybody there is going to have an opinion about us. Let's just be ourselves. That's all that matters."


When my dad wanted me to come over so he could talk to me about whether he was going to continue to help out with my tuition, you said, "What time does he want us there?"


When I wake up first thing in the morning and my hair is all mussed, my eyes have that goopy stuff in them, my breath stinks, and I'm in a grouchy mood, you've said, "Good morning beautiful," and say it like it's the only truth in the world.


When I worry about my future and whether I'll ever be successful, you hold me tight and say you love me, and I forget what I was worrying about. 



I'm glad we fell in love with each other, Matty. I had no idea we'd be doing it every day.

I Wanna be a Wrestler Now

Anybody ever had an interest in wrestling? We had a wrestling team in my high school and I tried to go every time they had a match -- uh, to see if it might be a sport I might want to try out for, ya know? 



OUCH, dude! Wait 'till we get to the locker room, will ya?



Nervous About My First Date

I got asked out on a first date yesterday. 

It's the first time anyone ever asked me for a Wednesday date. He's coming over to pick me up at 7:00 tonight.

The thing I don't like about a first date is how nervous you always are. It's almost like an audition. You want to make sure you wear the right clothes, fix your hair just right, apply just the hint of a little eyeliner, etc.

But you don't want to overdo it. It's crazy I know, but you definitely don't want to end up looking like you're going on a first date! For a first date I always like to dress casual but not in that "I shop at Wal-Mart" way.

You also don't want the guy who asked you out to think you put all this time into how you look because then he's going to think you're all about appearance. When he knocks on the door, you want him to have a good impression of how you look, but you don't want him to think, "I wonder what he really looks like in normal life."

And then there's the whole thing about making conversation. You don't want to come across sounding like you've never been on a date before. You want to make sure you say the right things but you also want to make sure you don't say the wrong things so you end up sounding like you're really nervous.

Geez. All this effort to captivate a guy when he's probably just as nervous as you are.

I'm not even sure where he's taking me because he said he'd like to surprise me. He had the sexiest smile when he told me that. And those eyes had some kind of sparkle.

I wonder if he's already planning on trying to get me in bed after this first date? That look he had when he asked me out was saying more than just, "Would you like to go out?"

Hmmmm. He was hot, though. I have to decide if I'm "that kind of guy" just this once. 

Well, I'm going to try and relax about this and not stress out. I've got some time until he gets here at 7:00 tonight, so I'm just going to try and remember that sexy smile and those sparkly eyes he showed me.

I'm also going to be practicing what to say when I open the door for him. I think I'll just go with something simple. "Hi Matt, come on in. Oh, are those flowers for me? Nice. Thank you."

Proving Myself

Starting college last year was a huge step for me. So I got really upset with myself when I overslept that first day and missed my very first class. Had a huge meltdown over that.

I was eventually able to pull myself together, get in control of my anxiety, remember to take my meds, and move forward. Wasn't easy to do at the time. I felt like my whole world was crumbling.

I went back this past weekend and reread the post where I talked about that day. It was really embarrassing and painful to read what I wrote then. I sounded like some out of control hysterical kindergartner. When I forced myself to read the whole thing, I honestly didn't recognize myself. Did I let someone guest post that day? Who was that person?

I was on some kind of emotional roller coaster, going from one emotional extreme to the other. And believe me it wasn't the first time in my life that I was on that roller coaster.

After thinking I had screwed up my life for missing that first class, to thinking I would never amount to anything, to worrying that Brad would see what a loser I was and leave me, I was able to finally calm myself down and think rationally.

I think I've done some growing up since then. Thank God!

When I finally got to the end of what I had written, I recognized myself again. The person I see myself as today. This sentence stands out for me:

I finally feel like I'm back in my right mind, the one that functions rationally and can actually take the next step(s) to grow up from being some scared little kid to being a capable adult (or at least mini-adult).

I had a day off work this past Friday and in the afternoon I got a call from my boss asking me to come in a little earlier on Monday. He wanted to have a talk with me. My first thought was that he was going to lay me off.

Even though I use to work there full-time before starting college and they seemed to like my work and dedication to the job, you never know how they might be trying to cut corners. Plus, I was a recent rehire so I'm low on the totem pole. And I'm the youngest person in my work crew. I didn't think my very first thought was that unreasonable.

Here's what I wrote about him a long while back:

The guy who is the boss of the home refurbishing unit (which I'm a part of) is a really cool guy. He just turned 62 and is the kind of guy I'd be proud to have as a grandfather or uncle. He's not your typical "macho" cave man construction type, but is actually a really sweet, kind and gentle type of man. Everybody loves him. I mean, he's definitely the boss and you can't walk all over him. When he tells you to do something, you never, ever argue with him. And he definitely will not put up with anybody slacking off. I've seen him angry twice, and he never looses control or is mean, but you definitely know he means business. He's kind of taken me under his wings but he also expects a lot from me.

So I was taken aback when he said he'd like me to come in early on Monday to talk about a promotion! I'm glad he called a little later in the day since my brain can be all over the place first thing in the morning. He's a man of few words anyway so I just asked him what time I should come in.

 When I met with him yesterday he got right to the point. He went down a list of things he liked about my work going back to when I first started there right after high school. Then he started listing some things about my personality he liked. And then said he felt like the other people in my work crew respected me. For just a brief moment I felt like he had gotten me confused with somebody else. For a minute it was hard for me to even recognize myself in what he was saying.

So the specific work unit I'm in specializes in carpentry. This has been my favorite unit so far. And my boss offered me the position of Team Leader or Crew Leader. Those terms are always used interchangeably, but "Leader" is always there.

What this means is that I'll still be doing basic carpentry but then I have to assign specific workers to do specific work, oversee it while it's being done, and then check it on completion. So I'm kind of the work site boss. And then I have a boss who's over me and checks my work and is over the whole Team.

I never mentioned it here in the blog, but when I was rehired this summer, there were two guys on my crew who apparently saw me as an easy target for some ribbing. Not fun ribbing. I can take that. We're talking about cruel ribbing. 

Whenever I'm in a new situation with people I don't know, I always try to find a way to fit in and make myself part of the group. Until I get to know people and figure out how things work, I tend to always try a little too hard. I ought to be hanging back and just observing, but I don't. Plus the ADHD Demon doesn't make it easy. I can be a real motor-mouth and somewhat hyper until I get a good read on the situation.

These two guys thought it was hilarious I was "hyper" at times. They seemed to feel the need to point it out to everyone, laugh about it, and used it in a condescending way, making it sound like I was stupid or an idiot. Like some little kid or an annoying gnat.

I know I can seem hyper sometimes, but there's a way that term can be said that makes it sound like you're damaged. I should say I actually like it when people kid around and poke fun with me IF it's done in an innocently playful way. AND if I already know the people doing the ribbing and know it's done in a good-hearted way. Makes me feel they like me and I honestly enjoy not having to take myself seriously all the time.

My boss noticed these guys one day and had A Talk with both of them. They were put on notice and the ribbing stopped.

Well, guess what? Those two guys are still on my work crew. And guess who their immediate boss is now? There's some kind of irony in knowing these forty-year-old dudes now have a twenty-year-old boss with ADHD who is in charge of organizing the work site, making work assignments, overseeing their job while it's being done, and checking it on completion.

But they're also going to discover their new boss is fair, mature, level-headed, and knows a thing or two about how important it is to respect everyone. And treat everyone fairly. They're going to discover something maybe they've never see before. A twenty-year-old adult.

To say the least, I'm psyched about this. Nervous also. This is a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and my boss is counting on me to come through and do a good job. I'd hate to let him down.

I'm also expecting a lot from myself. To be honest, I think this weighs more heavily on me. Maybe that's what makes me an adult, as opposed to the "mini-adult" I wrote about almost a year ago.

Proving myself.

Proving myself to my boss is important. 

Proving myself to my work crew is important. 

But I think proving myself to myself is even more essential. At least to me it is.

A Sweet Night

Yesterday we were talking to some friends of ours about first loves. We've written about it here a number of times but the two of us hadn't really talked about it much in a while.

There was one post we wrote about how there are no guarantees about whether a first love will eventually last long-term. It's just one of those things you take a risk on and try to stay focused on the present instead of worrying about how long the love will last.

It's hard not to worry, though.

So we were talking about it yesterday which was a really good thing, but it was also a little scary. Not every couple makes it long-term. They might have "true love" in the beginning and it might last for a while, but then various things happen that make one or both people question whether it's what they want for the long haul.

After Bradley and I were talking about our relationship for about a half-hour, we had this realization that we should maybe have this kind of talk more often. Not because there are any serious issues that threaten our future together, but because it's good to step out of our normal day-to-day life and routines to just say, "Where are we right now?"

Our talk started off with all the positive things we see in our relationship. Most of what we were telling each other was nothing new. It was all the usual things we often say to each other.

Then we started going in the direction of how things could be better. Things that maybe we hadn't actually stopped to think about in any great depth, or at least hadn't actually said to each other.

At first it was a little silly and we had some laughs. I swear my eyeballs have something wrong with them because when I walk in our bedroom, they never scan what's on the floor. I'm sure Bradley's eyeballs are in better shape than mine because his can always see my socks, underwear, and sneakers scattered around. That was one of the silly things that got discussed. If something like that can kill a relationship and the love that makes it work, then you're in more serious trouble than you thought.

But then we started going into more serious things. The things that really matter and need to be discussed. Things that can do serious damage to a relationship if they're not talked about and dealt with.

Things like Bradley's frustration with me when I go on and on and on about some funny joke I'm caught up in and can't seem to let it go while he's trying to be serious about something.

My frustration with him when I want to get out of the house and go do something fun with friends and he wants to stay home and veg out.

Yeah, I know. Neither of those examples are about things that can kill a relationship. But if they pile up along with other examples and never get talked about, well, then pretty soon something happens and everything comes rushing out all at once and you have a hard time sorting through what's happening. A real mess. We've been there. It's not easy to get to the bottom of things when that happens.

A couple of really good things came out of our talk last night. A few things we want to try doing that make us step out of our regular routine.

One of our close friends and his husband have Date Night every Wednesday. It's their time together and it's something they can always count on and look forward to. We're going to start doing this, too. Maybe go out to eat or go to a movie. Something just the two of us do together.

The other thing we agreed to do is have a regularly scheduled time to sit down and sorta review how things are going in our relationship. Things we appreciate about each other, things we see each other do that make us smile. And things we want to bring up that maybe bother us or want to talk about. Not in a bitchy way where we point out all the things the other one is doing we don't like. Not a gripe session where we just complain to each other, but things we've been thinking about that bother us so we can talk in a serious way about them.

Something really nice happened after our talk last night. It's a little hard to describe but the air felt lighter all around us. It felt similar to how things felt when we were first dating. You know, that feeling you have when you're all excited to be around each other. Like you're really paying attention to little small things the other one says. Like you're noticing how they smile, how they move through the room, how they steal a sweet glance at you when they think you're not noticing them and you give them a small smile back. Almost like you're falling in love all over.

We slept really good last night. It was one of those sleeps where you feel completely safe in each other's arms. Completely loved and cared for. A sweet night.

Independence Day Celebration

Happy Independence Day!

We're spending the day with my parents. They have a barbecue planned and we're going to relax in (and by) the pool. Plus, I get to wear my brand new dark blue Speedo (with a white racing stripe)!

How are you celebrating the holiday?

(If you're not in the U.S., how do you celebrate a similar type day in your country?)

I remember when...

One of the things my counselor does to get me to think about how my past has helped shaped me, is to ask, "Brad, when was the first time you remember..."

Lately I've been spending too much time remembering the bad things. I'm not saying that's wrong. He pointed out that we remember the bad things because they often don't fit with how we think things should be, or want to be. The bad things throw us off balance, give us a shock, make us scared or angry or disapointed.

In my last session he pulled a fast one on me. Something I wasn't expecting. And even though it wasn't one of the "bad things" I just mentioned, it still threw me off balance.

We were talking about my self-esteem and my self-confidence and how both those things are a lot lower than I want. He asked me, "What are some of your first memories of good things that have happened to you that helped you feel better about yourself?"

Pretty simple question, huh? Usually when he asks me questions about something, I can come up with a quick answer without too much trouble. I didn't have a ready answer for him on this question.

I both hate and love these kind of questions. Questions I don't have a ready answer for.

I hate them because I think they makes me look stupid. Like I don't take life seriously. Like I'm not on top of things. I start thinking maybe he's asking a trick question that his other clients answer without any problem. And I'm only going to come out of this looking immature and stupid.

Then I also love these kind of questions because they makes me think about things I don't usually think about. Once I get over feeling stupid and immature, I can usually come up with something interesting. Something that sheds light on why I am the way I am. Something that points me in a good direction.

My counselor gave me this as a "homework" assignment: Try to remember at least 10 good things that have happened to me and write a little about those times. Even though he calls this "homework" (which is something you get graded on), I've been having some fun with this.

I'm suppose to picture myself in those situations and remember what was happening, what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

I'm bringing this assignment with me when I meet with him on Friday. Ten good things that have happened to me. I thought I'd share the first one with you:

I remember when my mom would read books to me when I was little. I don't know how old I was the very first time she started this, but I remember sitting in her lap or snuggled up next to her with this really big picture book and she would start telling me a story about what was happening.

I remember thinking she was very smart because she could come up with a story that always matched the pictures! I must have been really little because I honestly don't remember seeing the words she was reading.

There are probably many reasons why this memory has stayed with me. When I think about it now, I feel warm inside because those were times my mom would take me to another world filled with people I had never met before, but felt like I had known forever, or wanted to know forever.

And they were always doing fun and exciting things. Or they were in situations that were scary and unfamiliar and I could hear my mom tell me how they got to their happy ending.

This is one of the reasons I always felt safe with my mom. She was always there with me in these worlds she would take me to. I knew nothing bad would happen to me with her snuggling beside me. I also knew she would return me back to my familiar world all safe and sound.

I know my counselor is going to ask me how this memory has shaped me (I'm on to his methods and techniques by this time!).

I think I learned that I can go to unfamiliar places, sometimes happy ones and sometimes scary ones, and come out unscathed. But it's always better to have someone with you (either real or in your memory) in case you are scathed. Someone who can help you understand the story you're in when you get stuck or scared or unsure what to do. Someone you can trust.

I honestly don't know what I'd be like without this memory of my mom reading to me. I'm so glad I don't have to know that.