A Quickie

Just a quickie update since you haven't seen much of us lately. Didn't want you to think we'd been sent to some kind of Witness Protection Program.

                  I GOT A JOB!!!


They didn't offer me a job at that fancy-smancy restaurant in downtown Boston, which I'm actually happy about. I think my age probably had something to do with it since all the the other waiters were in their 40s or older and had a sophisticated butler look to their appearance. Plus everybody in there talked with some kind of aristocratic accent you would expect to see on a TV program they might call The Queen Visits the Manor House (no offense to our UK friends intended).

This is the place where, when I asked about the possibility of getting some kitchen experience since I wanted to go to culinary school at some point, they just looked at me like I had gotten off the boat or something.

I did get a waiter job at a really nice restaurant in the 'burb next to where we live. I'm going to be working the lunch shift and they gave me 5 hours a day for 5 days a week. I might get the dinner shift a little later, which would be good since you make better tips then.

The owner said he talked to their chef and I may be able to get some hours in the kitchen. But he told me there was some kind of Health Department rule that unless you are a "certified" chef, you have to take this 5 hour course where they teach you that you need to wash your hands and, get this, if you cough or sneeze, you should always make sure your snot doesn't get in the food! Who would have known? LOL!

Oh, and when you're preparing the food, you should always be fully clothed, unlike Chef Hunk over there ------------------------------------>

Matty continues to enjoy his construction job. It's sweaty work and we're enjoying the mandatory shower he has to take once he gets home. I always make sure I haven't had my shower for the day when he arrives! At least we're saving water. I think. Somehow these shared showers seem to last longer for some reason. ;-)

Rump Roast Eye Candy

Transgender Miss Universe Canada Contestant Wins Congeniality Award

We don't think we've written anything about people who are transgender, but since we have that little "Embrace the Rainbow" logo over there on the right, and since we have some online friends who are transgender, we wanted to post this article from The Advocate we found. It's a shame that it took Mr. Trump so long to get this right! But the very last sentence in this article says to us that there's still a way to go before this is totally right!

Jenna Talackova, the first-ever transgender contestant to compete in the Miss Universe Canada pageant, made it to the top 12 finalists and became one of four women who shared the title of Miss Congeniality, reports People magazine.

Talackova, 23, was initially disqualified from competing for not being a “naturally born female.” After coaxing from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and a petition signed by 30,000 people, Donald Trump, who runs the Miss Universe Organization, subsequently overruled that decision and allowed Talackova to compete with 61 contestants.

Gloria Allred, Talackova's high-profile attorney, released a statement, saying, "She's still a winner as far as I'm concerned. She won an 'herstoric' civil rights victory and that I think is frankly more important than anything, any victory she would win, even representing Miss Canada."

Miss Universe publicity director Brenda Mendoza has said transgender competitors are now welcome in all of its pageants around the world, but says it will be left to the individual franchises to determine if the recent policy change is carried out.

Summer Plans

Hi everybody! This is Brad and I'm going to be your Blog Host for a little while.

Matty started work earlier this week and he's not exactly sure what his hours are going to be since they can vary from day to day depending on the job they're working on.

If you remember he got his old job back at the construction company where he'll be helping them update, refinish, and refurbish old homes. I gotta say he's in heaven going back there since he's definitely not your 9 to 5 office kind of guy! Put him in an office and he'll be staring out the windows daydreaming. And squirming in his seat. And getting up all the time to walk around looking for other stuff to do!

Plus I'm gonna definitely enjoy welcoming him home at the end of his day. I mean, having my very own hunky construction worker walk in the front door with that leather belt thingy they wear to carry a hammer, screwdrivers, and other assorted equipment, is, well, a real turn on! I've already gotten some "hammering" out of the deal within 5 minutes of him walking in the door -- and I'm not talking about the "hammer" in his leather belt thingy either! He's got another "hammer" he keeps hidden most of the time that's got my name written on it! ;-)

I've already gone on two job interviews myself and I have a third one lined up. There's a restaurant in the next town over from where we live that looks really promising. It's one of those restaurants that has a really nice atmosphere inside -- not too formal and not too casual. Somewhere in between. They're looking for wait staff, which I have some experience with, and I got the impression I probably got a job there, even though he didn't formally offer it to me yet. I'm going back this weekend to see him again and that's when I'll find out.

I told him I was interested in getting some kitchen experience, even though I've never worked in a restaurant kitchen, but I was able to talk intelligently about cooking and he seemed impressed I suppose. He said he would talk to his chef about it and said I would have to be flexible in my hours if it worked out. So, we'll see.

I also had an interview yesterday at this really fancy (meaning upscale, five-star) restaurant in downtown Boston. It's one of those you're definitely not going to see your average college kid frequenting! Coat and tie. Platinum credit card in the wallet (you know, the ones that advertise: "You've earned it, and now is the time to start living your dreams.").

I only got the interview because I have an uncle who knows some people in the restaurant business. They seemed really nice, but it's definitely five-notches above what I'm use to when we eat out.

It was pretty clear that they're only interested in filling some wait staff positions. When I asked about working in the kitchen, one of the managers just stared at me like a deer in the headlight. Must have thought I just got off the boat or something. He quickly composed himself and said they have an arrangement with some culinary schools (both locally and internationally, he didn't hesitate to tell me) where those students can come to get some professional experience before they graduate. I'm definitely not in the running for that, needless to say. But, if I get my foot in the door, well, that would be good.

Oh, the good news! Both of us passed all our classes with flying colors! Yippee! If you remember, I was is a constant state of nerves the whole semester. Keeping up with assignments, doing all the readings, going to all the study groups, making it to all the classes, etc.... Now I can't remember what all the anxiety was about! Well, I do, but all I can say is I'm glad the semester is over. I'm sure (keeping my fingers crossed) the next semester will be a little less nerve wracking!

I'm still continuing with my therapy sessions each week, even though I'm not in summer school. I had to pre-enroll for next semester and I had to agree do this research thing through my faculty advisor over the summer.

Anyway, the sessions are going well. I still like the therapist I'm seeing and he's mainly helping me "pace" (his word) myself in the sessions. After I finished with finals I was thinking, Okay, now I can really get into all the hard issues I was avoiding while taking classes.

Oh man, did I have a waterfall of tears talking about some childhood issues. He very firmly told me it was important to "pace" myself through all this, meaning not to feel I had to tear my heart open and spill everything out in one or two sessions! That was a great relief. Now we're going at a slower pace and it feels a lot better. He laughed when I told him I didn't want any more Niagara Falls sessions! He joked back and said if every session was Niagara Falls, he'd have to charge me for all the Kleenex!

Well, I guess that's it for now. If you'll excuse me I need to do some cleaning around the house before my construction worker comes home -- hopefully to do some "hammering" with that "tool" that has my name on it! LOL.

You +1'd this publicly.

And the winner is...

Thank you to everyone who stopped by for Hop Against Homophobia! We appreciate you taking the time to be a part of this important awareness campaign.

We did a random drawing of those of you who left a comment and an email address. Those of you who are official Followers of our blog got 2 entries.

So, congratulations to amilyn for being the winner of the $25.00 gift card to the bookseller of her choice. We just sent her an email asking her to get back to us within 48 hours with additional instructions on how to claim her card.

Again, thanks to everyone for stopping by during this campaign!

Welcome to Hop Against Homophobia

We're both happy to be part of this year's Hop Against Homophobia.

If you're a regular reader of our blog, welcome back.

If you landed here as one stop on your hop, Welcome!

As part of the Blog Hop Against Homophobia, we're participating with other bloggers in offering a giveaway to one person who leaves a comment on this post. At the end of the post you can find details about how to enter a drawing for a $25.00 gift card to the publishing venue of your choice (Amazon, B&N, All Romance e-Books, or one of your choosing.)

To visit the other blogs participating in this Hop, chick here. We're #135 out of hundreds who are participating.

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Why do we care about homophobia? We both have two very close friends we went to high school with who are still alive today after going through periods of depression and suicidal thoughts after coming out to their family when they were teens.

What do you say to your parent when they look at you with horror and disgust and ask, "How could you do this to us?"

Who do you turn to when you're 16-years-old and they say, "Pack some clothes and get out of here. You can find some other place to live."

Does homophobia hurt anyone? We think the answer is it hurts us all. 

               Mothers, tell your children:
               By quick, you must be strong.
               Life is full of wonder,
               Love is never wrong.

               Remember how they taught you,
               How much of it was fear.
               Refuse to hand it down -
               The legacy stops here.

~Melissa Etheridge, "Silent Legacy," Yes I Am, 1993

How homophobic are you? Frontline (a production of The Public Broadcasting System in the U.S.) has a homophobia questionnaire you can take. Known as the Wright, Adams, and Bernat Homophobia Scale, the questionnaire is designed to measure your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with regards to homosexuality. You can find the questionnaire here.

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Homophobia is a very serious problem, but the bloggers who are participating in this Hop wanted to offer a little incentive to direct people to their site to hear a little bit about how serious the problem is.

We're having a random drawing of people who leave a comment no later than 12 midnight on Monday, May 20, 2012, the last day of the Blog Hop.

Here's all you have to do to be entered in the random drawing:

Leave a comment on this post, along with your valid email address.

We will give you one extra entry in the drawing if you are an Official Follower of our blog by midnight (Eastern time), May 20, 2012. Just click the Join this site blue bar on the right and sign up. If you're already a "Follower," you automatically will have one extra entry if you leave a comment.

We will announce the winner in a special post on Monday, May 21, 2012. We'll send you an email notifying you that you won and give you 48 hours to claim your gift card.

Something to Think About

Matty's Birthday Surprise!

(For a sweet boy on his birthday, written by Sammy)

Matt walked into the house, dragging the heavy backpack behind him. He was wiped! Three finals and two more hours of studying on campus had left the normally bouncy boy totally exhausted. And today is my birthday. Well happy freaking birthday to me! 

Matty grimaced at his bad attitude. It wasn’t like Bradley had planned on having most of his finals on Matty’s birthday. It had just worked out that way. And he had told Matt that they would have an extra special celebration this Saturday after all their exams were over and they could really unwind and party. But even the promise of a night all their own couldn’t pull Matty back from the dark edge of depression that was moving in like a storm.

Matty slumped down onto the sofa with his backpack in hand and pulled out the textbook for his next exam that was scheduled for the following day. The book fell heavily onto his lap as Matty leaned back, closing his eyes for just a brief second. The weight of the day pulled him under into a deep sleep.

******

The gentle waves lapped at the edge of the shoreline; the crystal clear water a brilliant blue, beckoned to Matt as he lay on the lounge chair, sipping his margarita. He watched the parade of Speedo-clad boys walk back and forth from patio to sandy beach and sighed, enjoying the view immensely. But the one boy that he searched for was still missing from view and Matty wondered what was keeping him.

As if reading Matty’s mind, Bradley rounded the corner of the hotel, carrying two Dos Equis with a little sliver of lime sticking out of the top. Bradley licked his lips in anticipation…but not for the beer. He watched the lean tanned body of his lover walk with cat like grace toward their lounge chairs. God, that boy turned him on! He closed his eyes for just a moment, remembering back to earlier that morning when Brad had greeted him with those soft lips wrapped around his half stiff cock. A little shiver coursed through Matty as the memory washed over him causing him to press his hand down against his burgeoning erection. Damn Speedos! Can’t get a stiffie in these or the whole world can tell!

“Hey there handsome, thirsty?”

Matty opened his eyes, a smile creasing his face. He reached out with one hand and as Bradley proffered the beer, he gently bypassed the sweating bottle and clamped down gently on Bradley’s wrist.

“I’m actually more hungry right now.”

Bradley began to twist away toward the snack bar to fetch them both some fruit and cheese but Matty’s hold on his wrist tightened, forcing him to stop. He glanced back over his shoulder with a questioning look on his face and then it registered…that look in Matty’s eyes…oh his man was hungry all right…but unless he was greatly mistaken it wasn’t for food! Bradley stepped closer and let Matt draw him down onto the lounge chair. Matty’s hand released his wrist and reached up to push back the lock of hair that had fallen across Bradley’s eyes.

"You have the most beautiful eyes baby.”

Matty felt Bradley relax into that gentle touch. He swore he could almost feel the love pouring through his body for the gorgeous man that sat in front of him. Matty recalled all the double shifts Bradley had worked at the restaurant just so that Matty could spend his birthday here at Golden Sands Resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. The all-inclusive gay resort was the most incredible place he and Bradley had ever been able to afford.

As Matty watched his boyfriend, he recalled how he had reacted when he saw the tickets for Mexico. With a rush, he also remembered the amazing sex he and Bradley had enjoyed minutes after he’d opened the envelope.

*****

"Mexico? Holy shit! Oh my god!!! HAHA!!!! Oh Bradley, I can't believe you did this for me baby!! How did you ever afford this?"

"Do you like it?"

“Do I…? Jesus, Bradley come here.” Matt watched as Bradley moved into his arms, his boyfriend’s eyes filling with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. He loved Bradley so much. Matty pulled Bradley tight into his body with a small thrust of his hips, letting him feel his stiffening cock. Grasping the back of Bradley’s head, Matty guided the man’s mouth close to his own and right before taking him in a bruising kiss he whispered, “I’m gonna show you just how much I like this gift Bradley. I’m gonna love on you till you know just how amazing a gift this is…how incredible you are to me.”

Matty drove his mouth toward Bradley’s pushing against the sealed lips with his tongue, hungrily seeking entrance. Bradley whimpered as his hands clutched at Matty’s strong, muscled back. Without breaking the contact between them, Matt maneuvered Bradley backwards to the kitchen and slowly proceeded to lower his lover until Bradley’s ass was perched on the edge of the table. Stepping back, Matty reached out and with both hands grasped Bradley’s board short, pulling at them until he got them down and then tossed them away into a corner of the room. With a sultry smile, he looked down at Bradley who lay panting, cheeks flushed, lips slightly swollen, cock straining upward, already oozing a tiny drop of milky cum.

“So fucking sexy baby. You are so fucking sexy. And mine, do you hear me Bradley? You’re all mine!"

He heard Bradley moan at the demanding growl and watched as Bradley reached out with both arms, willing Matty into a passionate embrace. Matty happily complied, once again taking Brad’s mouth, and plundering it’s depths with a hard thrust of his tongue. Now Matty began his assault in earnest, scattering hot kisses down the side of Bradley’s neck, pausing to suck up a mark that had Bradley writhing in ecstasy beneath him. Sliding further down, Matty used his teeth to tug and pull at the tiny buds on Bradley’s chest, transforming the nipples into stiff, hard peaks that Matty lapped at with his tongue. Lowering his rough hand, he gently tugged first on Bradley’s hard cock and then brushing lower, cupped his balls, rolling them slightly. Matty smiled as he heard Bradley moan again.

“Gonna make you fly baby.”

Reaching for the cruet of oil that Bradley had left on the table earlier, Matty poured a bit of the clear liquid onto his fingertips and slid one down toward Bradley’s clenched hole. Slowly circling, causing Bradley to buck and thrash, Matty finally breached the tightly clenched bud and thrust in, gently rubbing the tip of his finger against that sweet spot inside Bradley. With a shout, Bradley thrust his hips upward and began to chant, “More, more, more oh please Matty more.”

One finger became two and then a frantic third was added as Matty continued to kiss and lick his way down to the long slender cock that stood up from Bradley’s groin and begged for his attention. As he lapped at the tiny bursts of Bradley’s pre-cum, he swiftly removed his fingers and used the oil once again to slick his raging hard on. Finally ready, Matty thrust into Bradley with a smooth, slow lunge and went still for just a moment, giving his lover time to adjust. Bradley had other ideas.

“Jesus, Matty move, please move!”

With just a hint of a devilish grin, Matty leaned over Bradley and said:

“Such an impatient boy! Is this what you want Bradley?”

And with that, Matty thrust in again and again and again, his hips pistoning against Bradley who was now making guttural noises that sang to the very core of Matty. Together their moans and whispered encouragements filled the air as Matty fucked Bradley to within an inch of his life!

“Soon baby, soon! Come for me Bradley, come for me baby!"

With a shout Bradley responded to the commanding wish from Matty and his cock poured forth creamy ribbons of cum. As Matty felt Bradley clench around him, he climaxed as well, wildly thrusting until he collapsed atop his boyfriend. With arms that had somehow managed not to liquefy with the rest of his body, Matty reached out to embrace his lover and kissed his neck. Once more working his way upward, Matty captured Bradley’s mouth in a long sweet kiss. After a few minutes, Matty gently pulled out and stepped to the counter to get some towels to clean up his lover.

Afterwards, Matty recalled how they had sat side by side on the sofa, staring at the tickets, Bradley leaning in, placing one hand on Matty’s chest while looking into his eyes.

“Happy Birthday baby.”

Matty smiled and tucked Bradley’s head against his shoulder, grabbing the hand on his chest and holding it inside his own.

"I love you Bradley."

“Me too Matty, me too.”

*****

“Hey, beautiful boy, come back.”

Matt blinked and looked up, squinting against the sun, to see the shadowy image of his boyfriend standing over him, holding out his hand. Looking up at Bradley curiously, Matty reached toward Bradley, wondering just how much of the conversation he had missed while daydreaming.

“C’mon, I’m pretty sure there’s something you can munch on back in our room.”

Matty smiled…he hadn’t missed very much apparently! As Bradley tugged gently on Matty’s hand, he rose to his feet and slinging an arm around his boyfriend he began to walk them back to their room. Just as they approached the elevator, Matty reached down and pinched one of Bradley’s’ delectable ass cheeks, causing Bradley to yelp in surprise and shove him away with his hands.

Matty laughed and lunged forward intent on taking that pretty little mouth of Bradley’s in a quick kiss only to be shoved away once more. Again, Matty came at Bradley, and again he felt his upper body rock as his lover’s hands shoved at him, finally causing him to respond with impatience.

“Stop pushing me Bradley!”


“But you have to wake up honey—it’s time to open your gift!”

Matty opened his eyes. He was back in his own living room, still on the sofa where he had been resting earlier…no sand…no beach…no hotel. A dream…Matty had been having a dream. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to focus on Bradley who was patiently waiting. Blinking rapidly, he managed to finally turn to Bradley, ready to apologize for falling asleep. His lowered gaze fell first on a pair of bare feet. Slowly raising his eyes, he took in the long slender legs, the slightly parted thighs and then his eyes fell on the hot pink Speedo that surrounded a sweet little bulge that caused Matty to lick his lips.

Continuing his perusal, Matty swept on up the narrow, muscular chest that sported a big red bow wrapped tightly round it, the hanging ribbons just brushing against two rosy nipples. Finally, Matty’s gaze came to rest on a pair of painted lips and then on the lined eyes that sported just a hint of mascara and he felt himself grin at the beautiful picture before him.

“Happy birthday Matty! I though you might want to open your present before we went out for dinner.”

Matty looked at the gorgeous man in front of him, hoping fervently that all the love he felt for this man could be seen in his eyes. He watched as Bradley blushed and licked his lips. Rising off the sofa, Matty reached out one hand to clasp the end of a ribbon and gently tugged.

The bow fell open and slid down Bradley’s chest. Matty leaned in and brushed his lips against Bradley’s cheek.

“This is the best present I’ve ever gotten. But if you don’t mind, I think I’ll finish opening it up in the bedroom.”

Bradley didn’t mind at all.

A Speedo Summer!

Our friend Thorny sent me a Happy Birthday greeting this past week. He's always on the lookout for me of pics of guys in Speedos. He jokingly said these guys heard it's was my birthday and were very excited for me! I need to get my magnifying glass and see if I can tell how excited they truly are! LOL!

And here's a vid I found for your viewing pleasure. They're not exactly Speedos, but still....



It's All Over!

No, silly... not our relationship!

(at noon today, that is)

We are pleased to report we both did quite well and now it's time for a little

Rest and Relaxation!

We finally have some time now to celebrate Matty's 20th Birthday this weekend!

And we also have some time to celebrate our Two Year Anniversary and catch up on sleep, sex, reading, taking naps, sex, movies, eating, sex..... sex.

Relationship Crisis: what I just found out

Well, wouldn't you know it. Here we are taking final exams this week and you'd think I had enough on my mind.

I'm sending this out as a cry for help. I'm shocked. I'm devastated. I'm crushed. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. I need your help and suggestions.

Okay, let me take a breath and calm down before I give you the details of this crisis Matty and I are having in our relationship. Give me just a second, please........

Okay. Here it is. I'll lay it out as balanced as I can. I'm not out to show Matty in a bad light or be unfair to him.

Well, I know that being in a relationship means you occasionally learn all kinds of new things about each other. Mostly they're good things... things that give you a clearer picture and deepen the love you have of the person. Things that make you appreciate the other person and all the different layers that make them the person you love.

Then sometimes you learn things that throw you a little off balance, or a lot off balance. When you learn these things, they make you start questioning everything you thought you knew about the person. They make you re-evaluate your whole relationship and question whether you really ever knew the person you love. Everything is thrown up in the air and for a while you don't know if things can be worked out.

I found out something about Matty last weekend and I've avoided talking about it. Since we have final exams this week, I've avoided thinking about it as much as I can, but it's affecting my ability to concentrate and I'm worried my grades have suffered because of it. As much as I love Matty (at least the Matty I thought I always knew) I can't keep my silence any more.

Last Saturday night we were invited by our next door neighbors to have dinner with them. I needed to go to the grocery store for some items I needed to bake a pie I wanted to bring for dessert. We took Matty's car and at some point I was getting ready to put in a CD to listen to. Instead of just sliding the CD in (which automatically turns the system on), for some reason I turned the radio on and guess what station was listened to last?

Apparently Matty had programmed a particular station that under ordinary circumstances would show how classy he is. Harvard University has a student-run station and they play all kinds of music... jazz, classical, blues, Hip-Hop, underground rock.

Well, so far, so good, right?

But on Saturday mornings they have a program called Hillbilly at Harvard. To prove I'm not making this up, here's a link to that program: Hillbilly at Harvard. One of the most respected and renowned universities in the world has a radio station that plays hillbilly music on Saturday morning. That's right... Harvard University. Ivy-league Harvard University. What will they think of next?

When I turned the radio on, the announcer was just saying the name of the next song they were going to play. He said, "This next song is a favorite of many of our listeners, so hold on to your seats for, I'd Like to Be a Cowgirl, But Moo Moo Moo, I'm Scared of Cows.

I looked at Matty and rolled my eyes and was getting ready to put the CD in. "No, no, no... Let's listen to this. It's one of my favorites!" he said.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Just listen to the words," he said.

And guess what? Matty knows the words and was singing along! I'm looking at him like he's maybe a space alien who just dropped in the car and I have no idea who he really is!

(Later that day I found the words to the song on some country music site. It apparently was written back in the 1930s and the lyrics are now in the public domain.)

One day I went out to a rodeo.

I like to see the cowboys rope and ride.

I got excited as I watched the show.

I jumped right up and down and then I cried...

I'd like to be a cowgirl, but ooh I’m scared of cows.

Moo moo moo how they scare me.

I often try to face them

While in a field they browse.

But moo moo moo how they scare me. *yodel*

I'd walk up to a lion and smack him on the brow.

I'd even kick a pole cat but don’t ask me to punch a cow.

I'd like to be a cowgirl, but ooh I’m scared of cows.

Moo moo moo how they scare me. *yodel*

<------- This album can be found on Amazon and it's got a performance of I'd Like to be a Cowgirl. It even has these songs:

~ Grandma Slid Down the Mountain
~ The Jazzy Three Bears
~ The Yodel Polka


Okay. Now I ask you the same question I've been asking myself. "Who is Matty?"

Why has he kept this secret from me? Does he have some deep down, hidden desire to be a "cowgirl" and the only thing that's held him back is that he's got some kind of fear of cows? Is he really a hillbilly at heart? Why hasn't he talked about this with me before? Why the secret? What does it mean? Who is he?



So in the interest of trying to find out what I'm dealing with here, I did some research and there's a term for fear of cows. It even has it's own article in Wikipedia: Bovinophobia. 

Then I found an article on How Not to Be Afraid of Cattle. I mean, if this is who Matty is and he wants to overcome his bovine fear, well, I have to be prepared so I'll know what I'm dealing with.

But I got really scared and concerned when another site said this:

"It is indeed unfortunate that cow phobia therapies require months and even years to show results and in the process, the victimized individual has to be exposed to the phobic condition repeatedly as part of the treatment."

Okay, so maybe this is not the end of the world for our relationship. Maybe there's hope. But who do I talk to about this? I have nothing against hillbillies (or cows) but the only thing I know about them is from watching reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies. -------------------------->

But right now I'm trying desperately to figure out if I can support his possible desire to be a "cowgirl." Hey, who am I to judge? I've been struggling not to see this in a negative light. I mean, we all have our secret desires and I'm just doing my part to bring this out into the light of day.

What do you think? I need as much help, suggestions, and support as you can give.

Moo, Moo, Moo!

Two Years Together

 (NOTE: Yesterday was a very special day for both of us. Two years ago we met for the very first time. I'm republishing the post I wrote then and all you have to do is change "one year" to "two years" but the feelings are the same. ~Matt)

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Who would have known that a little over a year ago, I would have fallen in love? Something I always wanted to happen, but it was more like an abstract idea than something I could see and feel and hold and, well.... you get the idea.

So, to mark this amazing milestone, I jotted down some things I've been thinking about.

"I love you." Somebody said that three word sentence has been used so many times that nobody really knows anymore what it means. Or, I guess it can mean just about anything you want it to mean.

Brad and I met a little over a year ago, and we've been talking a lot about our relationship. We've been trying to pinpoint when out first-year anniversary is. We've decided that we have a number of "firsts" that would qualify as an anniversary of some sort.

I met Brad for the very first time at my birthday party when I turned eighteen, a little over a year ago. So, what do you call that? I'm tempted to call it our "Love at First Sight Anniversary." Is that too mushy? What does that really mean, Love at First Sight? I remember seeing him for the first time and having this "stunned" feeling. I swear to God it was like I went into this trance or something. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but I can still remember my whole body tingling all over when I looked and saw the most beautiful guy I had ever seen come in the door. I almost forgot where I was and who I was with. I mean, there were at least 25 other people at the party and I just zoned out and he and I were the only ones there.

I asked him out on a date for the following weekend. I took him to dinner and then a movie where we held hands for the first time. So, maybe that was our "First Date Anniversary."

Even though I wanted to kiss him at my birthday party and then again after our first date, it took a lot of restraint on my part to slow things down. I've always had a hard time pacing myself and slowing things down when I have this impulse to do the first thing that comes to my mind. It might be because I have that ADHD thing going on and I have to take a deep breath and think things through. But I also realized I didn't want to mess anything up with this beautiful guy. He had this low-key shy thing about him and he always looked so calm and sweet and sometimes I thought there was something delicate about  him.

I remember thinking, Whatever happens between us will be worth the wait. And for the time being, holding his hand was even better than what I thought kissing him or even having sex with him might be like. You have to take my word for it, but we were able to say a lot to each other through holding hands. Sometimes it was a gentle hold, sometimes it involved this sweet squeezing, sometimes there was a warm sigh passing through our hands and then there was this firm and extended grip that said, I don't want to let you go.

It was pretty obvious to both of us that we had this special chemistry going on. I remember having to restrain myself from calling him 3 or 4 times a day (OK, that's an underestimate). Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

After we had gone on maybe four dates, I wanted to ask him if he thought we were a "couple" now. I had never felt this way before and to be honest, I had no idea how to bring it up. Where was that Guide to Dating handbook?? What if he really liked me (which he seemed to) but was thinking about dating other guys? I mean, he never gave any indication he was thinking that way, but I guess I was way too insecure then. I had heard from friends of mine that gay guys have a hard time committing to each other, especially the younger you are (all this so-called "wisdom" when I never asked for it!).

Was I moving too fast? Was I going to scare him away by being so intense too early? I really feared he might drop something on me like the whole, Let's be friends and, well, maybe see other people and then talk about it. Again, all this was coming from me and my insecurities. He seemed as totally into me as I was into him.

The more time we spent together, the stronger my feelings became. Brad seemed  so comfortable with himself and  his body that it was a little unnerving to me. When he would talk to me -- just normal everyday conversation -- he would sometimes reach over and touch my arm. He would never linger there longer than a second or two. It's like sometimes people would add a slight touch to the words they were using. He never overdid it but it would always make me a little self-conscious. It's like that little one or two second touch was saying so much, if not more, than his words. It was probably the first time anything like that had ever happened to me -- or it was the first time I had noticed.

The night we both said, "I love you," was so very special. We'll write more about how that happened later. For now, all that matters is that we can say we've have a number of different "anniversaries" and they're all very special.

So, for now,

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, Brad!

All of them!

I love you!

Guess Who's Having a Birthday?

Since we're right in the middle of finals, we're going to have a little celebration tonight, and then this weekend I have some bigger plans for the birthday boy!

You know the tradition where the Birthday Boy gets a bare bottom spanking --- one spank for each year? Matty informed me that there's also one additional spank for "good luck," one spank for "best wishes," one spank for "no longer being a 'teenager'," one "to grow on," one spank for "being a good boy" (somewhat questionable! lol), one spank for "being a bad boy," (not questionable), one spank for "being adorable," (mostly), one spank "to be a good boy" (much needed).

Plus he said there's a tradition where you get "a pinch to grow an inch," (hehe... I'm not even going there!).

Happy Birthday, sweetie. Assume the position and have your pants and underwear down when I get home. Love you.

Chicks and Dicks and a Uniform Fix

Since this is Final Exam Week here in The Wacky World of Matt and Brad, we're going to be posting some things that don't require a lot of time on our part. 

We've been trying to keep our brains from freezing up with all the studying we've done and we're happy to report that we've done a pretty good job of making sure we balanced all that with some fun time.

So today is Day One of exams. And while we're in class sweating our sweet little butts off trying to prove we've been paying attention and have taken the course work seriously, we want to direct your attention to one of our favorite blogs.


This month over at Chicks & Dicks, the theme is Men in Uniform. Edmond Manning started the month off with a post he called Sir, Yes, Sir! Well, that title certainly made us sit up and pay attention! He explained the month's theme this way:

"For all of May, come here to get your uniform fetish fix. I have it on good authority we'll be seeing a few explorations of cop uniforms, martial arts, and fire fighters. Oh, and futuristic military uniforms too, so you can feel confident there will be men to lust after in the future."

He was going through all the different uniforms men wear that many times cause a stirring in the nether regions, and I have to say Edmond now has a special place in my heart since he officially recognized one of my favorite "uniforms." Here's what he said:

"And swimmers in those tight, tight Speedos…that still counts as a uniform, right?"

If you know anything about me, you know I love, love, love men in Speedos. I wrote something about this about a year ago, and this is what I said:

"I practically grew up in Speedos. My parents said I took to water like a fish right after I was born. They said when I turned two years old and they would take me swimming I would have these huge temper tantrums when I took my clothes off and they tried to put on my swim suit. They said I would yell something like, 'But I'm a fish! I'm a fish!' And you can bet no amount of reasoning or threats would make me willingly agree to wear anything. They finally bought me one of those Speedos for little kids (probably had maybe 5 square inches of material). When they showed it to me, they said I lit up and just said, 'Okay'."

So, thank you, Edmond, for recognizing the Speedo as an official uniform!

And without further ado, while our little butts are warming the seats in the classroom, send your butts over to Chicks & Dicks and get your own Uniform Fix. After this week is over, you might find me at the beach in my Official Speedo Uniform.

Please, please watch this. Please.

This is one of the most beautiful and moving things I've seen in a long time. It's amazing to me how something only 1 minute 40 seconds long can touch me to my core. I've watched it 3 or 4 times already and I still get choked up. 

 

Abercrombie & Fitch and some cute guys

Wild Nights - Wild Nights!

Okay, this is going to be a really different post from what we usually do.

We're trying to get through this last week of classes for the semester and then next week we take our finals. Therefore, we're going to be posting some things that don't require a lot of time. But, we wanted to make them somewhat meaningful.

We're planning on doing some blog pimps where we highlight some of our favorite blogs and we'll be sharing some videos we've come across that we really like. And, who knows, we might have a few surprises or two.

So, what's with the post title today you ask? Wild Nights - Wild Nights!

At the library here on campus they have a number of small wicker baskets placed on different desks with a sign that says, "Take a Free Poem." Then in the baskets they have a bunch of individual poems you can take. So, being the curious person I am, I reached inside one and grabbed a poem.

First of all let me say I've never been a great fan of poetry. In one of my high school classes we had a teacher who loved, loved, loved, loved poetry and saw it as her mission in life to make us all love, love, love, love poetry. We had to read all her favorite poems, memorize some, analyze them, and then, to add insult to injury, we had to actually write some poems of our own! What a way to kill any possible love you might have for poetry. At least that's what happened for me.

One of the poems I wrote was titled, Poetic Suffering. My teacher was not amused but it still got an "A." Maybe she was trying to encourage me or something. Maybe she thought if I got a lower grade it would depress me and make me hate poetry forever. All I can say is that getting an "A" on a poem about how reading poetry made me suffer did not make me want to write or read more poetry.

Anyway, enough ranting.

Here's the poem I randomly picked from the Poetry Basket. It's funny because for some strange reason I've carried it around with me and keep reading it over and over. I'm actually starting to like the poem {gasp} and I'm sort of beginning to understand it. Maybe this is how you start to like poetry. Don't force it on people. Just notice it lying there, in a basket, making no demands, waiting to be picked.

Wild Nights - Wild Nights!

                                      
                                       Wild Nights - Wild Nights!

                                       Were I with thee

                                       Wild Nights should be

                                       Our luxury!

                                       Futile - the winds -

                                       To a heart in port -

                                       Done with the compass -

                                       Done with the chart!

                                       Rowing in Eden -

                                       Ah, the sea!

                                       Might I moor - Tonight -

                                       In thee!

                                                                          Emily Dickinson

Growing Up: What a Balancing Act

I've always been pretty good at balancing different things in my life.

When I was in high school, I was on the soccer team and that required a good chunk of my time going to practice. That was all about team work and learning how to use different playing skills as a member of the team.

It also required a lot of time practicing on my own. For example, trying to get better at juggling the ball is something you can only do on your own. I mean, you can practice juggling (like the guy on the right) with a bunch of other people around, but it's basically something you're doing by yourself. The purpose of this solo practice is to learn about timing and control so you can be a better team player. 

Then I had to balance my soccer practice with studying for my classes and staying on top of my grades. Our coach always said something like, "Your school work always comes first. You fall behind in that and you're off the team." An important lesson in "balancing."

I also had a part-time job when I was in high school. There was a small family-owned grocery store close to where I lived and I was a bagger and stock boy. Now I had to add school work (number one priority) to soccer practice and my job. Another balancing act.

I did a pretty good job of managing all these things. I kept my grades up, I never missed soccer practice, I always made time for my solo soccer practice, and I always made it to work on time. Like I said, I've always been pretty good at balancing different things in my life.

At the time, I felt like all the things I just described required a huge amount of effort to stay on top of it all. Well, now we get to a different phase of my life.

I now feel like I'm taking an advanced course in how to balance my life.

One of the things I've been talking to my therapist about is how to better manage all the important things I'm doing. He asked me to make a list of these things. This is what I came up with:

1. My relationship with Matty
2. My course work in college.
3. My relationship with my dad.
4. Paying for college.
5. Spending time with family.
6. Spending time with friends.
7. Recreation and fun.

Well, one conclusion is that I'm not in high school any more!

My therapist then said he suspected the first four on the list probably involved more than a few emotions.

The next thing he wanted me to do was to identify which specific emotions were involved in each thing. Huh? What was he talking about? All I could come up with at the time was this:

1. Matty - Happy emotions.
2. College classes - Stress emotions.
3. Dad - Confused emotions.
4. Paying for college - Stress emotions.

Well, he tried to get me to elaborate on each emotion, and that was a little harder.

He said, "Are all your emotions with Matty 'happy'?"

"Well, mostly, but sometimes there's stress."

"What kinds of stress?"

"Well, you know."

(He didn't accept that as an answer. He said, "How do you think I would know unless you tell me?")

"Okay. Sometimes I have feelings when he forgets things."

"What kind of feelings?"

"Well.... I don't know. Maybe aggravated. I guess."

~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~    

We went through each of the first four things I listed and he asked the same questions. The end result of that is I got an assignment. He gave me a handout listing all the different emotions there are. And it was in fine print. And it went on and on and on. (Not really, but that's what it felt like!)

He suggested I start keeping a "Feelings Journal" where I would keep track of different things I do that make me have a feeling. Then he wanted me to go to the list he gave me and find the feeling that best describes it.

Well, before I had my second session, I decided to rebel against my
therapist. Pretty ballsy, huh? What he wanted me to do with this assignment was making me have all kinds of emotions. These are the words on my handout that matched my emotions about doing this assignment:

Irritated. Annoyed. Upset. Miserable. Ashamed. Pessimistic. Alone. Fatigued. Vulnerable. Frustrated. Anxious. Worried. Restless. Dejected. Humiliated. Sorrowful. Unhappy. Lonely.

Lovely. Just lovely. Definitely not a pretty picture.

We talked about why I was feeling all those things and it all boiled down to me telling him this was making me feel too many things when I just need to concentrate on getting through finals. At least for right now.

"How do you feel right now telling me this assignment is too much?"

(I had the List of Feelings handout in my lap but I didn't want to look down at it. It felt like I might be looking at a cheat sheet, ya know?)

"Well.... I'm feeling like you might think I'm not trying hard enough. That I'm not doing my best."

"Brad, has anybody in your life ever told you, 'Brad, you're not trying hard enough? You're not doing your best.'?"

Well, I started getting teary and all I could say was, "Number three."

"Number three? I don't understand."

"Look at number three on that first list we did earlier."

"Your dad. Your dad use to tell you you're not trying hard enough?"

"Yep"

"Brad, I'm not your dad. You can tell me this assignment is too much and I'll respect that."

Well, if this was a play, the stage directions would say something like, [client breaks down crying].

The good thing about all this is that I feel like my therapist and I are on the same page. He gave me a relaxation CD and wants me to use it twice a day. He also wrote down this list (based on stuff I had already told him) and asked me to read it at least twice a day:

1. My GPA from high school was (__X__) [in the A range].
2. I've maintained an A-range in all my college assignments so far.
3. Even though I may feel I'm not trying hard enough, the reality is that A-range work in college is considered "above-average" performance.

I guess I'm doing a pretty good balancing act, all things considered.