A Tribute to Gay Couples

Well, Brad and I have one more week to go before final exams! This week we're finishing up with classes and next week we take our finals. I swear I don't think the week is going to get here soon enough.

I. Want. This. Semester. To. Be. Over. Right. Now. If. Not. Sooner!

We're going to be doing some short posts this week since a lot of our time will be spent studying. So... on to today's post:

I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of Lady Gaga. I know her music is not to every one's taste, but she's been very vocal about her support for gay rights. She also speaks out against all kinds of bullying.

We're both members of the Young Adult LGBT Group on Goodreads and our friend Kaje posted this video last week. Enjoy.

Our Love is Real

Hope you enjoy this.

There's a brief scene close to the beginning of this video of a man with a sign that says:

"81 years and 9 months of being gay.

Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through!"



Sex, Final Exams, and First Things First

The Setting:
Our bedroom

The Time:
Yesterday morning, 5:00 AM

Brad: Matty. Matty, wake up.

Matt: Hmmmm?

Brad: Wake up.

Matt: What?

Brad: Wake up.

Matt: What? What's wrong?

Brad: We need to study.

Matt: Hmmmmm?

Brad: We need to study. You promised last night.

Matt: I did? What time is it?

Brad: Five o'clock.

Matt: Oh God. Let's sleep a little later.

Brad: Come on. Get out of bed.

Matt: Let's cuddle some more.

Brad: Then we won't get any studying done. Come on.

Matt: Yes we will. I promise.

Brad: I'm going in the dining room to get started. Come on.

Matt: I'll be there in a minute.

Brad: Okay. One minute.

Matt: Mmmmmm. Thank you sweetie.

Brad: (5 minutes later, standing by the bed) Matty! 
 
Matt: Hmmmmm? What time is it?

Brad: Are you going to get up?

Matt: (checking under the covers with a sleepy grin) I'm "up." Come see.

Brad: If we study for one hour, we can come back to bed and play.

Matt: But you don't understand. I can't study if I'm horny.

Brad: That's not true. You're always horny and you still study.

Matt: (snickering) That's low.

Brad: But I can't get horny until we get some studying done.

Matt: That's not how it works, sweetie. That's all backwords. Come back to bed.

Brad: {sighing...} Please. Get. Your. Butt. Out. Of. Bed.

Matt: Mmmmmmmm. I like it when you talk like that.

Brad: What are you talking about?

Matt: I like it when you talk about my butt.

Brad: Matthew!

Matt: What?

Brad: You're stalling for time. Will you please come study with me?

Matt: Mmmmmmmm. How can I when you keep talking dirty?

Brad: What?

Matt: First you talk about me being "up," then you talk about my butt, then you talk about coming. How can I study when you keep talking dirty?

Brad: Move over.

Matt: Mmmmmm. Now we have things in the right order.

Book Recommendation: "Seasons of Love" by Carol Lynne

I came across this series recently when I was chatting with my friend "Susan 65" in one of the Goodreads groups. She said she thought I might enjoy the four books in this series, and boy was she right.

 This series would make great summer reading. Something you'd take to the beach or on vacation. If you're looking for intense angst that keeps you on the edge of your seat, you won't find it here. There are periods of angst, but you're not going to have a mental breakdown waiting to see how (or if) things get resolved.

From the blurb: On the day of his mother’s funeral, ten-year old Sidney Wilks is silently comforted by the presence of one man, ranch hand Grady Nash. Little did Sidney know that Nash would become the only stable figure in his life for the next forty years.

We quickly get through Sidney's early childhood with enough important information that will be critical to the rest of the series. Each book gives us a look at how these two men create a relationship as they deal with situations and events that define who they are individually and who they are as a couple.

There are a number of episodes of angst as they deal with various challenges, and some of these challenges make you start wondering how (or if) they're going to get resolved. I will say this about the angst. You're not going to find the kind of intense and unrelenting anxiety that makes you worry about having a mental breakdown.

 One of the reasons I loved this series is because it's about these two characters who begin their first relationship with another man, and we get to see them through forty years of their life together. Even though the specific plot circumstances are very different from my own life, it was interesting to see how these two men dealt with various challenges as they were creating a life together. Their world together is very small in the beginning, and as the series continues we get to see how they end up creating a much larger world, a world that is all about the meaning of "family."

In the last book, we begin with Sidney and Nash having been together for eighteen years. Of course since this is the last book, we're getting ready to see how they to deal with some issues neither of them ever realized they'd have to deal with. The book ends with their forty-year relationship, and you'd think by this time they would have worked out everything that could possibly come up, right? At least that was how I was feeling. But, as we all know (and I'm quickly learning), issues emerge when you're in your fifties and sixties that you never thought you'd have to face when you're a young adult.

Brad and I have talked about how the beginning of our relationship (which we still think we're in) has involved some pretty big challenges. Well, one of the reasons I like this series is the chance to see how a couple who've been married long-term now discover how this period of their life might involve some of the hardest work they've ever done.

As a side note, the sex scenes are some of the best written I've come across. Nothing is to excess and it doesn't go on for pages and pages with silly, worn out, and over used cliché language. When they have sex, you always get to see what it means to both of them and, equally important, how they are subtly changed by the intimacy.

I ended up feeling like I had been on the journey with them and got a preview of some things Brad and I might might be dealing with as we continue our own journey.

Summer Plans and a Reality Check

Yeah, I know. It may seem a little early to be making summer plans, but Brad and I have been talking about it for practical reasons.

We were originally planning on taking some summer classes as a way to get ahead in our credits, with the idea being that we might be able to graduate ahead of schedule. But lately we've been rethinking the whole thing.

We've been talking about our finances and the whole business of how we can take more responsibility for how we're paying for college. Without going into a lot of detail, we both have some scholarships that cover some of our expenses, and both our parents have been helping out a great deal.

If you've been following some recent developments we've written about, you'll understand why we've decided it's important to plan ahead to make sure we have the means to continue. We just want to make sure we're prepared for anything that might happen that would keep us from being able to stay in school.  Going to college has always been something that's been important to both of us, and we feel this is the time to do a "reality check" on where we are and where we're going.

We've both decided to take a break from summer classes and use the time to work and put some money aside. We're also looking into what's involved in getting student loans should we need to go that route. Then there's an office here on campus that specializes in finding grant money we might qualify for.

The construction company I use to work for always said I could come back anytime and rejoin their home refurbishing crew. I've already contacted them and my former boss said the offer still stands. He said there's enough work that I could come back full-time, so I'm meeting with him next week to talk about working this summer.


Brad knows a few people who are familiar with the restaurant business, and he's talked to them about the possibility of meeting with some chefs or at least the owners to see if he might be able to get some kitchen experience. It would be doing something he enjoys anyway and it would give him some experience in seeing how restaurant kitchens work. The ideal situation would be working in one of the nicer restaurants where they have a professional chef. Getting some "on the job training" would be a plus as far as his future plans are concerned.                                    
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
We're tryng to look at these new developments as an opportunity to take more responsibility for ourselves. It's also made us aware that our future is extremely important to us. Neither of us is willing to give up on our dreams. Getting there might take a little longer, but the dreams remain firm.

"Reality check" is a term we've been hearing from people we've talked to about all this. Somehow I sorta like the sound of that term. I guess that's something we'll be doing ongoing, not just for now but for as long as we want to deal with the realities of life. How grown-up does all that sound? ;-) One person told us that it's always important to make sure our dreams are balanced with reality. Lately we've felt our dreams were a little more vulnerable than we thought.

So yeah, we're taking a break from classes this summer. And we might not be able to get to the beach as much as we wanted. But nothing -- nothing -- is going to take away our dreams. We're just going to have to add a dose of reality to those dreams and keep moving ahead.

I love this man

I remember seeing this man interviewed somewhere on TV and all I remember was that he seemed like one of the wisest, most gentle, most intelligent, and fiercely compassionate human being I've ever heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. - Just so you know, Brad and I are keeping a low profile this week. Final exams are on the near horizon. Lucky me, my birthday is during that week! {sigh}

Well, I did it!

Last Friday I went in for my intake appointment and met with a psychologist who explained that she would just be meeting with me once to ask a ton of questions about why I was interesting in counseling and to get some background information.

Needless to say I was very nervous beforehand. I had all kinds of ideas about what this appointment would be like and what the counselor would think about me. 

The night before the appointment, I had a dream that the counselor would be about 80 years old with her hair in a tight, tight bun, pinched lips, humorless, wearing an old fashioned granny dress (black, with a pearl cluster broach on the left side), and wearing some old-fashioned eye glasses that were the thickness of a soda bottle and made her eyes look like a monster from the black lagoon. Oh, and the eye glasses would have one of those chains attached to each stem so she could take them off and they would fall hanging over her breasts.

I also pictured her asking me the required questions and then making these disapproving grunting sounds when I gave her extremely short answers. Then I imagined she would pause periodically and tell me to sit up straight.

Please, no interpretations of that dream. Thank you. ;)

Well, I'm glad to say the counselor was nothing like my dream pictured her being. She was probably in her mid-thirties, wore normal clothes with a really nice colorful scarf, had a pleasant smile, and never once told me to sit up straight!

One thing that took a little getting use to was all the notes she was taking. It didn't seem like she was writing down every single word I was saying, but she would ask a question, make a few short notes, and then ask something related to it, and so forth. After about 10 minutes it started feeling like we were having a normal conversation and I started telling her a lot more than I thought I would.

The other thing I found weird was that I was opening up and telling her all this extremely personal stuff about my life. I know that's what you do in counseling, but at first it felt very strange to be telling all this stuff to a total stranger. I didn't know a single thing about her except for her name and what kind of degree she had.

I guess what made it easier to start telling her more about myself was watching how she reacted to my answers. When I would say something with a little bit of humor, she would smile. When I would say something that got me a little emotional, she would look at me with some concern in her eyes, and once she moved the tissue box a little closer to me (which helped, but also made me tear up a little more).

We both sorta chuckled a little bit during the part when she asked me about my relationship with my dad, my mom, and my sister. I started off telling her about my mom and that we've always had a really good relationship. Then I told her some about my sister and how she's one of my closest friends.

Then I waited for her next question. She just looked at me and said something like, "Does it mean anything that you didn't mention your father?" I just looked at her and said, "Oh. Well. Yeah, maybe." So I was waiting for her to ask me something about him, and she said, "Have we just hit a hot button?" I sorta chuckled and said, "I think we can call it that, yeah." She made it easy to talk about him when she said for me to just take my time and I could tell her whatever I was comfortable saying. After I did, I'm sure she probably put a big star beside the notes she took.

One thing I really liked was when she asked if I was in a relationship with anyone special. That's about how she put it. She didn't assume I was straight and ask if I had a girlfriend. It was just, "Are you in a relationship with anyone special?" I thought the way she worded that was cool.

Anyway, she asked a bunch of other questions about how I was sleeping and eating. She also wanted to know when was the last time I ever thought about suicide or wanting to hurt myself. And then a lot of questions about what kind of mood I'm in most of the time, and so forth.

At the end, she said I had a lot of symptoms of depression and some anxiety. She explained that there were a lot of different types, and the kind of counseling I would be doing would be based on what kind I had and what kind of goals I wanted set for myself.

She said the next step is that they have a staff meeting on Tuesday mornings (today) and they would match me with a counselor they thought I might work well with. I'm suppose to get a call later today from that counselor and we'll set up our first appointment.

When I got home after meeting with that intake counselor, Matty was waiting by the front door and I was so drained from the session, he just wrapped me in his arms, held me tight, and just rubbed my back. He didn't need to say a word and just walked me over to the sofa, still holding me, and let me cry. After a short while I looked over at the dining room table and saw the most beautiful arrangement of Spring flowers, which he had ordered for me earlier.

We talked for a short while and then he asked if I wanted to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant. I wasn't all that hungry, but I thought it would be nice to get out of the house and have a little something to eat. Plus I just wanted to spend some time with Matty.

There's this Mexican restaurant we both love, and Mexican food is one of my favorite comfort foods and we've gotten to know the owners and most of the wait staff. The whole thing about the restaurant feels so comforting and the wait staff always likes it when we order and talk to them in Spanish. (I'll have to tell you about one time when Matty mispronounced some words and mistakenly told our female server something that really made her blush. I corrected him and he's now not officially engaged to marry her!! LOL)

So, there it is. I made it through the first hurdle and I'm waiting to hear from my assigned counselor later today. Yeah, I'm nervous all over again, but feel proud of myself for making it this far. I just hope it's not a counselor who tells me to sit up straight when I'm talking. Somehow I don't think it's going to be anything like that.

Happy Patriots' Day

Yippee! We have a state holiday today known as Patriots' Day. I thought Massachusetts was the only state in the country celebrating it, but it looks like a few other places shut things down for the day.





Two big things are happening here today:

1. NO SCHOOL!

2. The Boston Marathon.

We don't live too far from one of the roads where the runners will pass by, so we plan to walk over and cheer them on. It's always thrilling to see the very first participants. Those who use wheelchairs get to start a little ahead of the foot runners, and when they come by the crowd goes wild! It's so exciting to see them and to get caught up in all the energy.

My aunt and uncle qualified to run again this year. My aunt had breast cancer about three years ago (she's doing great, BTW) and she and my uncle run as part of a breast cancer organization.

They're forecasting unusually high temperatures today, which can make running the distance dangerous. It's suppose to get as high as 87 to 90 degrees F, and they're advising only runners who are in peak shape to participate. The usual temperature in past years is between 50 and 65 degrees. The race organizers are actually predicting mass health casualties and they said if people drop out or decide not to run because of the dangerous heat, they will automatically qualify to run in the Marathon next year. My aunt and uncle are planning (wisely) to run between 8 and 10 miles and drop out. 

Anyway, sorry most of you don't have the day off for this, but we'll add some extra yells and cheers for you anyway!

Hope everyone has a nice day.

Growing Up, I Guess

I've been going back and forth about whether to post this or not. It's not an easy thing to talk about and I've discussed the whole thing with Matty about whether I should do this. He hasn't tried to influence me one way or the other, but has been incredibly helpful in going over the pros and cons. He also suggested that I write it all out and then decide if I wanted to post it. After I decided, he said I had a lot of courage and he was proud of me.

We haven't posted anything this week (except for some eye candy on Monday) and it's been a while since we wrote about anything terribly personal. I now think I'd like to share a little bit of what's been happening for two reasons. The first is that writing this has helped me get clear in my head about what I'm feeling, and the second is that I thought maybe it might be helpful somehow to somebody reading this who might be going through something similar.

I've written before about my relationship with my dad. We had a rocky relationship when I was a little kid going back as far as I can remember. I don't want to rehash everything I've already written but there's a post I titled My Dad and his Girly-Boy Son where there's a little more detail. There's one sentence in that post that's not true. I said that my dad had never been physically abusive to me when he had been drinking. At the time I wrote that I honestly didn't think his shoving me against the wall or slapping me was considered "abuse." Mainly because I felt like I provoked him and had a part in it.

When he was drinking he turned into somebody I didn't recognize and would say really nasty things. My mom and sister would stay out of his way when he got like that, but yours truly would start arguing with him and start calling him names, which only made things worse.

I would get in his face and start yelling at him, which got me shoved and pushed against the wall. A few times I wasn't quick enough on my feet, or maybe it was stubbornness, but I tried to stand my ground and I got slapped. I never saw it as "abuse" because I felt like if I had kept my mouth shut and just left the room, he might have calmed down. Instead, I felt like I had only made it worse.

Well, my dad finally stopped drinking and started going to A.A. and eventually our whole family started going to see this family counselor. The counseling really helped all of us and we got a lot of things out on the table. My dad and I even talked about times he use to make fun of me for being "girly" when I was a little kid and when he called me his "faggot son" when I came out to them.

He apologized for all that and he and I even saw the counselor by ourselves for maybe 4 or 5 sessions. I got the chance to say everything I was feeling and he took responsibility for what he said and how he acted. It was a major breakthrough in our relationship and we eventually started getting close. When Matt came into the picture, he welcomed him and things finally seemed like they were starting to work out.

At the beginning of this year, one of the Resolutions I made had to do with my dad. I said I was realizing that the family sessions we had really didn't solve all the feelings I was having about what happened. Here's what I wrote:

"So what's the problem? Well, for some reason, getting everything out in the open, telling each other how we really feel, and my dad apologizing, hasn't erased all the bad memories. They're still there and I wish they would go away and stop bothering me."

I'm pretty good at pushing those bad memories away so they don't bother me too much. Every now and then they come back, but I just get my mind on other things and life goes on. The problem is a couple of weeks ago they all came rushing back like one of those high-speed trains that go hundreds of miles an hour down the track. And I haven't been able to slow the train or push anything in the background.

We were visiting my family and I was talking about my decision to eventually go to culinary school after I finished college. I honestly can't remember all the details of the conversation or how it got to the point where my dad made a sarcastic remark about my plans. It took me totally off guard and at first I thought he was just joking or maybe was in a bad mood or something like that. Later in the afternoon when he and I were alone, I knew he wasn't joking.

He set up a college fund for me after I was born, which I guess is something other parents sometimes do. His plan was for me to use the money to get through college (minus any scholarships I might get) and to hopefully be able to pay for a master's degree after college.

He asked me if the culinary training would result in a master's degree and I told him it wouldn't. Some schools offer a master's degree but it's mainly for people who want to study "food science," something called "Human Resource Management in a Hospitality Setting," "Cost Control," etc. None of that is anything I'm interested in. Whatsoever. I want the basic diploma and certification as a Chef. Plus a master's degree takes longer and costs a ton of money. Regardless of that, I'm just not interested in it.

My dad said I would be on my own if I didn't get a master's degree. When he told me that I just listened. I mean, he had already said the deal had always been to help with a master's degree. I got a little confused because getting a basic diploma and certification would cost a hell of a lot less than a master's degree. But it's his money and it was pretty clear he had made up his mind.

Then he made a few more sarcastic remarks about my career choice (or in my mind, my career dream). Let me put it this way. The tone of his remarks was that a culinary career was not a "real" career. He's always hoped I would go into something similar to the kind of work he does. I guess he sees being a lawyer as "real" work and being a chef as something frivolous. I'm beginning to think he sees being a chef as nothing more that "just cooking," which I think in his mind is "women's work." Yeah, I'm beginning to see my dad as more chauvinistic than I thought.

I tried to explain that there were probably more males as professional chefs than women, but I guess when you're talking to somebody with a closed mind, you're wasting your time.

Before we dropped this so-called "conversation" we were having, he made some really vague comments about how maybe it was a "waste" of money for him to be paying for even my college education. I guess because there's no master's degree coming out of it when it's all over, maybe he was thinking my college degree was a "waste." I couldn't even talk about this any more with him, so I dropped it and Matty and I went home.

What's been happening with me after all this is what I mentioned earlier. There's been a high-speed train of emotions running at maximum speed in my mind. Memories of all the crap I've gone through in my life are on that high-speed train and I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't been able to make it go away and every day it's been getting worse.

By this time, I'm not even thinking about what got this high-speed train moving. By that I mean I've been going back and reliving all the bad stuff in the past. I can't stop thinking about it.

I've stayed home from school several times because I couldn't get out of bed. All I seem to want to do is sleep and for everybody to leave me alone. I sometime forget to eat and when I do I have to force myself to swallow and even than I have an upset stomach and get nauseous. I'm tired all the time in spite of all the sleep I get. When I'm awake I'm irritable and on edge, almost like I'm ready to snap or pick a fight. There's been a few times when my heart started pounding and I had trouble breathing. I had this feeling that something really bad was about to happen to me, but I couldn't pinpoint what that bad thing was. And the tears? It doesn't take much for me to just start crying. Sometimes I'm not even aware of thinking about anything and I start crying.

I've yelled at Matty a few times when he's tried to talk to me or give me reassurance or comfort, something I'm really ashamed of. I know he's been worried and when he makes a comment about how little I've been eating or my wanting to sleep all the time, I've gotten mad at him. We've been able to talk about it, and I've apologized, and things are a lot better between us now. I've been able to see that he's just been a ready target for a lot of stuff I feel towards my dad. We're better now and I have no idea how I would be getting through all this without him.

Well, all this has led me to a decision I made to call and get an appointment to see a therapist for myself. There's no way I'm ready to talk to my dad about all this. And I don't feel ready to even talk to him with a therapist present. Since all this has happened, he's not called me and I've not called him.

I'm just not able to pull myself out of this and things seem to be getting worse instead of better. I'm also beginning to wonder if maybe I've been sad or depressed or anxious most of my life and I've just been able to push it back.

Matty's done everything he can to help me with this. I could write a whole post describing how much he's helped me. I've talked to a couple of friends I trust, and they've been incredibly helpful and supportive. I could also write a whole post describing how helpful they've been to me.

The thing is, I don't want to risk bringing them down. So I called student health services on campus and talked to them about how I could see a therapist there. I have an appointment today at 3:00 pm for what they call an intake appointment. I'll be meeting with this woman to answer questions about why I want to begin counseling, and she's apparently going to be asking about my background and history and so forth. They already sent me this 25-page questionnaire with every question you can imagine, all the way from whether I've ever wet my bed, to my sex drive, to questions about suicide, to how I feel about God, and to whether I have pets. Then she said they will assign me somebody to talk to who they think would be a good match for me.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless about this. I worry that talking about all this stuff will just make that high-speed emotional train go faster and will make things worse.

The friends I've talked to said it's normal to feel this but the whole purpose of therapy is to get to the bottom of things and work my feelings out, or learn ways to deal with my feelings and my past. I trust what they say and this is the main reason I haven't cancelled my appointment. I don't think I'd have the strength within me to do this without their support.

It scares me to open up to a stranger and talk about all this. I worry what they'll think of me. Will they think I'm some spoiled brat or some weak immature kid who's trying to act like an adult when he really just needs to "buck up" and quit feeling sorry for himself. Will they think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill (an expression my dad use to make all the time).

A couple of my friends have said I probably have some kind of depression or anxiety and this recent thing with my dad just brought it all to the surface. I guess that's what I'll be talking about in therapy.

I've been wanting to think all this was just normal "growing up" stuff and I'd get through it on my own. But things aren't getting better with me... they're getting worse. I'm trying really hard to see asking for help as a sign that I'm "growing up," but the kind of growing up that will hopefully help me "be" grown up in the end.

I'm hopeful. At least I have that.

Another Dirty Laundry Day

ANNOUNCING: One Year Blog Anniversary!

One year ago (actually 2 days ago) we published our very first blog post. If you click on the link you'll see the post is dated March 26, but all the comments are dated April 4. This is because we wrote the first post on March 26 and had no clue that you could schedule the post for a later date. We wanted the first post to go up on April 4, so on April 4 we just clicked "Publish Post" and assumed that date would appear. Oops. We just hoped that was not some kind of bad omen for the blog.

Some of the people who left a comment on that first post still leave comments now. Whether you were with us on Opening Day or found us later, we're very grateful you've been part of this journey with us.

We want to explain some of the Announcement Clues we've been leaving for the past few weeks:

Announcement Clue # 1 - In that post, I wrote about how Brad and I had been dating for a while. We asked different people how you know you're in Love, with a capital "L". One clue was the last part of the last sentence:

"Then we started hearing things like, 'Most gay relationships don't last that long under the best of circumstances. And at your age, it would be a miracle if you're still together after one year.' WTF? We were just asking how you know if you're 'in love' with somebody, and already people are making predictions that we won't last one year!"

People were actually saying that the chances that our relationship lasting a year were slim, primarily because of our age. Well, not only did we make it to that first year, we're getting ready to celebrate our second anniversary (of meeting each other) next month!

So, the clue for the Announcement is "one year." Get it? I know, pretty obscure and lame, but it's there! LOL

The second clue in that post is the sentence, 

"That first year was definitely worth all the work and required a lot of communication."

 Announcement Clue # 2 - In this post, Brad used the word "follow" or "following" a number of times. This refers to you, our readers.

But a blog like ours is a two-way street. Just as you follow us, we've also followed your comments to us, and we've gotten a lot of wise and supportive words from you. That's what Brad meant when he wrote,

"We found ourselves following a lot of the advice that sounded solid and wise."

Announcement Clue # 3 - In that post, I wrote,

"...I've found a tremendous benefit from writing what I'm thinking about and what I'm feeling. When I write things out, I can always see what's going on inside me at lot better, then I can figure things out or talk about it with Brad or other people I trust."

Several times in that post I referred to how important "writing" has been to me. We both have benefited from thinking about some really important issues in our relationship and then sitting down and putting those thoughts and feelings into words.

My last sentence in that post reiterated this:

"...I'd highly recommend keeping a journal or finding some similar way to write out what's happening to you. For me, it's always led to much clearer thinking."

We both want to take this opportunity to Thank You for helping make our blog what it is today and we look forward to seeing you as we enter our second year!

Love you all, Matt and Brad

 

Love, Passion, and Two Hearts, Part 2

Last week, we posted this pic and asked some questions about who these guys might be, what they might be thinking about, what might be happening, etc. Some of you fired up your imagination and wrote a short story about them.

For some reason, Blogger was having some technical difficulties and all of a sudden some comments weren't being posted and a few were sent to the "spam" folder. Raji (Brahmin in Boston) tried to post her story but Blogger hiccuped and it wouldn't go through. 

Here's Raji's story. In addition to the storyline, we also liked how she was able to tell a story in such few words while at the same time there's more going on here... beneath the lines. It's so sweet and makes you want to know more. Thanks, Raji.

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These two guys have been friends since high school - Dave and Rick. Dave is the one on the left. Rick recently came out and confessed that he has been hung up on an unattainable dream. This has Dave rattled. He knows he needs to do something and 'fess up his feelings before he loses his best friend as well as his love. A chance - that is all that he needs right now.

Dave plans a day trip near one of the lakes that is 30 mins drive from their town. Rick's heart is breaking on thinking how his friend is behaving a bit strangely after he came out. He had hoped that this wouldn't happen (although he feared it. A LOT).

As soon as the lake came up Dave stripped down to his boxers and ran, splashing the water on to Rick. Couple of hours in the lake, just swimming and reveling in silence Dave figured out that it is time for him to take action (plus they were shriveled like raisins). He walked up to the place where they had piled their clothes and slipped into his jeans.

"Hey Rick, look what I found in here!" Dave shouted. Rick dried himself and saw that Dave was peering in between two rocks. "What is it?" he walked up to the space and peered. Rick was nothing if not curious.

Dave turned and hooked his fingers through Rick's jeans' belt hoops and pulled him flush to his chest. He leaned close to Rick, his eyes on Rick's lips. "Hmmm..." Dave hummed.

Rick licked his lips. He too couldn't take his eyes of Dave. Can this be possible? Is he getting the right picture? He decided to take a huge leap - eyes blindfolded and walk to the edge of the cliff kind of a chance. "This is exactly what my dreams were made of" he whispered. “I-I… Can I touch you?"

Dave's smile lit up the space that they were squished in. "I knew I was irresistible! Just for the record - can't think of a better dream or reality than this," Dave's eyes had turned darker and his voice was husky.

Seems like both of their dreams came true.

Big Announcement Clue # 3

Just a reminder that if you didn't read our post on Friday March 23, this post may not make a whole lot of sense.

Today is "Big Announcement Clue #3 Day!"  Under the red double lines below, you'll find one or two clues about what it is we're going to announce during the first week of April. The clue or clues may be a phrase or a word that if you think about it, might lead you to some ideas about what it is we're going to be announcing.

If you think you may have discovered a "clue", leave a comment sharing what you think the clue is pointing to. You're free to make as many guesses as you like, but for each guess you have to connect it to the "clue" you think you've discovered.

For example, if you say, "I think the special occasion is (X) because Brad keeps using the word 'Y' over and over again in the post. And that can only mean this is about 'Z'."
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When we first started writing our blog, I wrestled with whether to share anything about my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). To be honest, I was worried I might be negatively judged in some way. When I was a little kid people were constantly annoyed with me because, well, I was pretty hyperactive. Not always an endearing thing to others.

When Brad and I started dating, I also wrestled with how to explain it to him. I figured if we just went out on a few dates and then decided to go our separate ways, there'd be no reason to bring it up. I've been on medication since childhood and I would just make sure I took my meds before we went out and he'd never have any need to know.

However, after that first date, there was never any doubt in either of our minds that we wanted to start seeing each other as often as we could.

Well, as I've explained elsewhere in the blog, I'm on one of the "old" meds used to treat ADHD and it gets in my system quickly, does it's thing, and then makes an early exit! I have to take 3 doses at different times throughout the day so it stays level in my system. Sometimes I forget to take a dose... my levels go down... and I'm all bouncy and have a hard time concentrating. (BTW, I'm going to be moving to one of the newer longer-lasting meds soon!)

Needless to say, this whole thing affected my self-esteem growing up. When I'd get bouncy, I would become annoying to others around me. It's just what happens. I don't mean to be like that, it's the way my brain is wired.

The reason I had self-esteem problems is because I was convinced there was something really wrong and bad about my personality. I mean, why would teachers, my parents, my brothers, friends, all get frustrated with me for being a pain when I was around?

The meds were a godsend and I learned from some counselors I saw that meditating, doing deep breathing exercises, learning t'ai chi and yoga helped tremendously.

For the self-esteem (which I still struggle with at times), I've found a tremendous benefit from writing what I'm thinking about and what I'm feeling. When I write things out, I can always see what's going on inside me at lot better, then I can figure things out or talk about it with Brad or other people I trust.

Even if you don't have ADHD, I'd highly recommend keeping a journal or finding some similar way to write out what's happening to you. For me, it's always led to much clearer thinking.

Hunger Games' Josh Hutcherson meet GSA leaders

Josh Hutcherson, star of The Hunger Games, spoke with the Gay Straight Alliance recently at a Los Angeles high school.

In 2011 he filmed a Public Service Announcement for Straight But Not Narrow (SBNN) and last month filmed a video along with SBNN leader Avan Jogia meeting with Gay Straight Alliance leaders.



Big Announcement Clue # 2

Just a reminder that if you didn't read our post on Friday, March 23, this post may not make a whole lot of sense.

Today is "Big Announcement Clue #2 Day!"  Under the red double lines below, you'll find one or two clues about what it is we're going to announce during the first week of April. The clue or clues may be a phrase or a word that if you think about it, might lead you to some ideas about what it is we're going to be announcing.

If you think you may have discovered a "clue", leave a comment sharing what you think the clue is pointing to. You're free to make as many guesses as you like, but for each guess you have to connect it to the "clue" you think you've discovered.

For example, if you say, "I think the special occasion is (X) because Brad keeps using the word 'Y' over and over again in the post. And that can only mean this is about 'Z'."
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It was a while into our relationship before Matty and I met some other gay couples who had been together for a considerable length of time. We got the chance to spend time with them and it was so reassuring to see that if two people care about and love each other, they can have a successful relationship.

We had already met some "downers" who maybe had never experienced love or maybe had some bad experiences where they had been hurt in some way. That's how we explained why they might have been skeptical about whether long-term Love was even possible.

We did get some really good advice about how to think about being "in love" with someone. We found ourselves following a lot of the advice that sounded solid and wise.

Some of the advice we followed was, "Don't try to rush things or make yourself feel something just because it's how other couples do things." 

The other advice we got was, "Just because you have arguments or disagreements doesn't mean your love is doomed. Sometimes talking through your problems can lead to new understandings and a deeper love."

We were really fortunate to have met some of these couples and gotten some good things to think about. Much of their advice we sill follow today, and we're a stronger couple because of it.