A Sweet Night

Yesterday we were talking to some friends of ours about first loves. We've written about it here a number of times but the two of us hadn't really talked about it much in a while.

There was one post we wrote about how there are no guarantees about whether a first love will eventually last long-term. It's just one of those things you take a risk on and try to stay focused on the present instead of worrying about how long the love will last.

It's hard not to worry, though.

So we were talking about it yesterday which was a really good thing, but it was also a little scary. Not every couple makes it long-term. They might have "true love" in the beginning and it might last for a while, but then various things happen that make one or both people question whether it's what they want for the long haul.

After Bradley and I were talking about our relationship for about a half-hour, we had this realization that we should maybe have this kind of talk more often. Not because there are any serious issues that threaten our future together, but because it's good to step out of our normal day-to-day life and routines to just say, "Where are we right now?"

Our talk started off with all the positive things we see in our relationship. Most of what we were telling each other was nothing new. It was all the usual things we often say to each other.

Then we started going in the direction of how things could be better. Things that maybe we hadn't actually stopped to think about in any great depth, or at least hadn't actually said to each other.

At first it was a little silly and we had some laughs. I swear my eyeballs have something wrong with them because when I walk in our bedroom, they never scan what's on the floor. I'm sure Bradley's eyeballs are in better shape than mine because his can always see my socks, underwear, and sneakers scattered around. That was one of the silly things that got discussed. If something like that can kill a relationship and the love that makes it work, then you're in more serious trouble than you thought.

But then we started going into more serious things. The things that really matter and need to be discussed. Things that can do serious damage to a relationship if they're not talked about and dealt with.

Things like Bradley's frustration with me when I go on and on and on about some funny joke I'm caught up in and can't seem to let it go while he's trying to be serious about something.

My frustration with him when I want to get out of the house and go do something fun with friends and he wants to stay home and veg out.

Yeah, I know. Neither of those examples are about things that can kill a relationship. But if they pile up along with other examples and never get talked about, well, then pretty soon something happens and everything comes rushing out all at once and you have a hard time sorting through what's happening. A real mess. We've been there. It's not easy to get to the bottom of things when that happens.

A couple of really good things came out of our talk last night. A few things we want to try doing that make us step out of our regular routine.

One of our close friends and his husband have Date Night every Wednesday. It's their time together and it's something they can always count on and look forward to. We're going to start doing this, too. Maybe go out to eat or go to a movie. Something just the two of us do together.

The other thing we agreed to do is have a regularly scheduled time to sit down and sorta review how things are going in our relationship. Things we appreciate about each other, things we see each other do that make us smile. And things we want to bring up that maybe bother us or want to talk about. Not in a bitchy way where we point out all the things the other one is doing we don't like. Not a gripe session where we just complain to each other, but things we've been thinking about that bother us so we can talk in a serious way about them.

Something really nice happened after our talk last night. It's a little hard to describe but the air felt lighter all around us. It felt similar to how things felt when we were first dating. You know, that feeling you have when you're all excited to be around each other. Like you're really paying attention to little small things the other one says. Like you're noticing how they smile, how they move through the room, how they steal a sweet glance at you when they think you're not noticing them and you give them a small smile back. Almost like you're falling in love all over.

We slept really good last night. It was one of those sleeps where you feel completely safe in each other's arms. Completely loved and cared for. A sweet night.