Off on Retreat

Well, we're getting an early start this morning. The pic to the left is one I found that looks similar to the place where we're going for our Retreat to relax with ourselves and nature.

We decided to start with each of us describing our "ideal" outcome for deciding the college issue. Then we'll spend some time fine-tuning what we come up with and work from there.

We also don't want the entire day to be all about dealing with hard stuff. There's actually a stream going through the place we're going, so we'll get to play around in the water some. And there are all kinds of cool nature trails we can take for some time in the woods.

Since Brad is the cook, he's made an amazing picnic lunch for us. I don't even know the names of some of the snacks he's made, but our tummies are going to get all kinds of tasty treats.

And, of course, since we're out in nature, there's always the possibility of some fun playing around au naturel! Oh, that reminds me to pack the lube!

We've been under a lot of stress trying to come up with some kind of solution to the college thing. We're both feeling confident we'll come up with a good solution. The main thing that gives us hope is knowing that there is a solution to this whole thing. We just haven't figured it all out yet.

We've gone back over all the comments everybody left this past week, and they've actually generated some new ideas. We are so totally thankful for the support we've gotten from all of you. It's amazing how much more confident we've become knowing we have people pulling for us!

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

The Edge of Glory

Brad and I are members of a Young Adult M/M Romance Group over at Goodreads. A member of the group posted this video of a Lady Gaga song entitled, The Edge of Glory. Somebody took the song and made a video about these two guys getting married. Whether you like Lady Gaga or not (and I'm one of her fiercest fans!) I encourage you to watch this.

Picking the Right Friends

I don't know what my life would be like not if I hadn't had reliable and trustworthy friends surrounding me all my life.

Brad has mentioned that we've been talking to family and friends about how we're going to work through this issue of college. The comments you guys have left also mean a lot to us. It's amazing how much more hopeful you can feel when you've got all these people who remind you to trust your ability to work through the hard stuff.

Even little kids have an amazing ability to solve things, like Brad was mentioning yesterday about the two five year old twins we were babysitting. They kinda got off track (like we all do sometimes) and just needed some time and "redirection" (a term most people with ADHD, like me, grew up hearing a lot!). It's always hard to see solutions when your mind is revving on overdrive.

But I've also learned that it's important to get the right kind of advice from the right friends. We mentioned last month (see the post on June 15) that we went to this "After Gay Pride Party" which happened after the Pride festivities in Boston the previous Saturday. We hit it off with several other couples and ended up exchanging phone numbers with a promise to get together sometime.

One couple invited us to their home a few weeks later, just the four of us. They're both in their mid-twenties and have been together for five years. They actually got legally married (Massachusetts is one of the states where you can do this) last year and bought this really nice home in the burbs with two bedrooms because they're talking about adopting a child at some point. They really seem to love each other and we all had a good time talking about how we met, what our futures look like, what we have in common, etc.

We found out we have so much in common with them and always look forward to catching up with what they're doing. We've taken them out to eat a few times and I convinced them to go sailing with Brad and I one Saturday, which they had never done. We're always laughing when we're together and we're fast becoming good friends.

In some ways, they're also role models for us. In addition to having a lot of fun together, we've also had some serious conversations about how they are building their relationship. They've given us some really good things to think about as we're dealing with our future, in particular this whole issue about college.

Another couple we met at the party is a little older. One is in his mid-thirties and the other just turned forty. They have a completely different outlook on life and how their relationship works. We've only spent time with them once and just didn't hit it off with them like the first couple. They both seemed like really nice people, but we found it hard to find ways to really connect with them. We thought it might have been the age difference, but Brad and I quickly found out that wasn't it.

They are both totally opposed to the very idea of gay marriage. I wanted to say to them (but didn't), "Honey, you have so totally lost that battle in this state, so get over it. It's here, so get use to it." Their argument is that we shouldn't be "imitating" the heterosexual institution of marriage. They have what they call an "open relationship," which, from what we could tell, means they love each other but sleep with other guys. They said gay people have been fighting to define how our relationships should work and we shouldn't just "merge" into some predetermined arrangement, as "dictated" by straight people.

So, okay, I like a good argument sometimes. We got into this intense back-and-forth for a while but quickly realized that Brad and I just have a different perspective on the issue. That was what it all boiled down to. We made it clear to them that we have a committed relationship and we all agreed that different people have different opinions and we all seemed to be cool with that.

We had already told them about the college issue, and without asking their advice, they freely gave tons of it. They both agreed that since we are both still young, and this is the first relationship for both of us, we should jump at the chance to, how did they put it, "Hold on to our love but see what else is out there." They said if Brad goes out of state to college, then we can both agree to "have a little fun on the side," because in their experience "it only makes our love stronger." Since we hadn't asked for their advice in the first place, we just said, "Well, that's just not for us."

Later in the evening, Brad was helping one of the guys in the kitchen with the dishes, and I was in the living room with the other guy. They both seemed fixated on keeping their opinion about open relationships going and they both ended up making a pass at both of us when we weren't in the same room. Talk about crossing a line. This was really about a total lack of respect for Brad and I. Did they really see us as two young guys who were incapable of knowing what we really wanted -- and didn't want? We had already made things totally clear about our commitment to each other.

I told the guy who made the pass at me, "Dude, that is so totally uncool. What the hell are you doing?" He backed off and apologized and I got up and walked over to the bookshelf to check out what they had. Shortly Brad came out of the kitchen and had his eyes locked on mine. He was not smiling, not looking relaxed and was shooting a look my way that seemed to say, "Let's get out of here." I didn't know at that point that the guy in the kitchen had made a pass at him, but we both knew we wanted to get out of there. 

Then they offered us an after-dinner drink! I just looked at them and said, "Thanks, but, you know what? We're not even old enough to drink and I think it's already past our bedtime." Talk about an awkward way to say good night!

When we got in the car, Brad said Kitchen Guy asked him if we might be interested in a four-way. All this after we had been totally clear about our commitment to each other and how we had decided our relationship worked.

So, going back to the title of this post, Picking the Right Friends, we're sticking with the first couple I talked about earlier. And we're listening to advice and support from people who actually respect us. I mean, without respect in a friendship, what is there?

So, Brad and I are going on our little retreat this Saturday. We're going to slow things down and sort through the next big step in our relationship. Will we come out of it with some answers? I know we will. I have confidence that we're mature enough to figure things out. We both know the importance of Picking the Right Friends. Even more important, we know the value of Picking the Right Mate.

"Magic Silence" and our Future

Man, yesterday was a tough day (see my post if you haven't already). The only thing I wanted to do last night was take a nice long hot shower, then eat cartons of chocolate ice cream, watch some mindless television and cuddle up with Matt.

Well, I got a call from Matt letting me know that his neighbors across the street asked he if would be willing to babysit their two twins. These little guys (a boy and a girl) are 5-years-old and Matt always melts when he gets the chance to babysit them. He said their parents said it would be cool if I came over also.

To be honest, it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do... all except the part of spending time with Matty. I explained that I had a splitting headache and just wanted to chill for a while. So, what does Matt do? He turns on this totally adorable, sweet, pleading voice and somehow I start chilling within the span of like two minutes. I still haven't figured out how he does that. My headache starts going away and suddenly I'm grinning. Then I hear him saying, "I love how you're smiling right now." I chuckled and said, "When should I show up?"

It's always amazing watching Matt when he's around kids. Some of you may remember how he was with that little boy in the restaurant when we were on our way to Maine. Kids love him I think because he has this way to somehow go into their little world without condescending to them. They seem totally fascinated with him -- the way he can establish instant rapport, speak their language and somehow understand how they think and feel.

There was one point in the evening when they were arguing about what game to play next. You would thing the future of the world was at stake and both were digging in to insist that the game they were proposing was all they would consider. In the span of about three minutes, these two cute, adorable angels started turning into two battling enemies. The volume of their voices was turned on "high" and then the arguments started turning into accusations and it was all headed downhill from there. My headache was starting to return and I was expecting Matt to probably make a decision to play a completely different game or get them distracted somehow. I just looked at him while pressing my fingertips to my temples on my head.

So what does Matt do? He gets down on the floor with them and says, "Magic Silence!" While he's doing this, his hands go up and he's making the "Time Out" sign. Both kids stop screaming at each other and are looking directly at Matt, probably wondering what's going to happen next (I know I was). The amazing thing about all this was how Matt was not screaming or looking angry or frustrated or irritated. It looked like he was going into this role of Magician or something. Whatever those kids saw fascinated them -- and me too!

He puts on this theatrical voice like he's on stage or something and announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. After two minutes of magical silence, we will decide which game to play. If anyone speaks during Magical Silence, then it's bedtime for all!" He then points to a wall clock we can see in the kitchen and starts a countdown for the two minutes to begin. Both kids (and me) turn our heads to the clock and watch the second hand sweep across. There is total silence.

At the end of two minutes, Matt announces, "Magical Silence is now over. We have to have a solution or bedtime begins. So, what will it be?" The kids just look at each other and then look around the room, then look back at each other. One of them says to the other, "Let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors!" They both agree and get really excited, almost like, "Why didn't we think of this before?" So off they were in this new game in total agreement and excitement.

Matt came over to the sofa and sat with me while they were showing off in front of us. I was dumbfounded. What had just happened? How did he do that? I just looked at him and raised my eyebrows waiting for him to tell me what just happened. I think he was waiting for this all evening, though he denied it. He just said, "Well, it's like us, right? I mean we're not arguing about a game, but we can't decide about what we're gonna do next. We both want to go to college. We both want to stay together. We have no idea what the solution is yet. Maybe we just need some of our own magical silence."

"So, how do we get some of this magical silence?" I asked. He suggested we go to our special private spot this weekend, where we've gone before when we needed to talk through some problem. I said we had to make a decision pretty quick since Fall term was starting soon. All he said was, "Well, that's what Magical Silence is all about. Sometimes the quickest way to get somewhere is to slow down. It's kind of a paradox, but it usually works. We're trying so hard and all we're doing is stressing ourselves out, which just slows things down. Maybe if we slow things down, we'll get where we need to get sooner."

So, we have a date for this Saturday to go to our Special Place for some "Magical Silence." I'm in charge of packing the picnic lunch and Matt's bringing the soda and snacks. He's going to teach me this yoga meditation thing he does and we're going to slow things down and let some of this Magical Silence do its thing.

Will it work? Will we come out of this knowing what we're going to do? I'm not sure, but I know we're not getting anywhere with all the stress we're putting on ourselves now. Maybe a little magic is what's been missing. I'm actually looking forward to it.

"Happily Ever After" Doesn't Just Happen

I think I've been reading too many M/M romance stories. Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving them up. Not by a long shot!

Matt got me addicted to these stories when I turned eighteen. He got me sixteen "small-type" gifts and two "big" ones for my birthday (16 + 2 = 18... so sweet). One of the "big" ones was loosing my virginity that night. The other one is something we've not talked about here yet, so stay tuned.

One of the "smaller" gifts was my own copy of Missy Welch's My Summer of Wes. Since I was now eighteen, nobody was gonna swoop down and drag me away on some charges of reading adult erotic books! Thus my addiction began. Matt was my dealer. Missy's book was my "drug" (and oh, what a high it gave me!!). Matt said recently I needed to find a support group where I'll hear myself say, "Hi. My name is Brad and I'm an M/M Romance bookaholic." Well, believe me it ain't gonna happen. I think you have to want to conquer your addiction (I call it "intense interest," not addiction) and I'm enjoying myself too much -- plus Matt and I have gotten plenty of new ideas about how to express our love, both in bed and in some other pretty interesting settings.

One of the things I love about M/M Romance stories is they usually have a Happily Ever After ending, or at least there's this hope that one of the characters has discovered something exciting and important about himself that you know is going to lead to new possibilities in his life. I haven't come across one yet where there's this major tragic ending and you wind up feeling seriously depressed for a month. If they're out there, please don't tell me about them.

I think there are two reasons I'm addicted intensely interested in these stories. One is that Matt and I have discovered a new genre that is vastly different from the kind of literature we studied in high school (!). I was fortunate to have some English teachers who introduced me to some really great works that deepened my understanding of myself and the world. Shakespeare's Macbeth, The Tempest and King Lear made me think deeper and clearer about human nature. Charles Dickens showed me characters who had to struggle with a world that had a dark side. Homer's Iliad showed me the price one pays for uncontrolled rage. Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath showed me how people survived the onslaught of physical nature and greedy human nature and ultimately love. I think all these stories, and more, have changed me in important ways. I think I'm now trying to balance all that heavy reading with stories that have more innocent entertainment as their goal. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The other reason I'm all into M/M Romance now is that my high school reading never introduced me to gay or bi characters who told their stories from the perspective of how they experienced life as gay or bi people. All I read about were heterosexual characters dealing with their relationships or characters where sexual orientation was irrelevant.

A well written M/M Romance story allows me to enter a world similar to mine where guys discover themselves and meet the man (or men) of their dreams and deal with issues in their lives that involve loving another guy. Oh, and have all kinds of wild and interesting sex. Or how two guys meet unexpectedly in some unlikely setting and find a way to have unbelievably hot sex. Or how they are able to figure out a way to begin creating a real life together.

I especially like the ones that have a Happily Ever After ending. All that excitement and hope for the future gives me excitement and hope for my own future.

But, there's one thing I'm learning about myself and life. In real life, a lot of planning has to go into creating the possibility of a Happily Ever After. Matt and I have been together now for over a year (a year and almost three months, to be exact). We've had to work through some tough issues, but being totally committed to each other and knowing that our love is real has made what we have solid.

Our latest challenge is trying to figure out some things about our future. That's where the planning I'm talking about comes in. Neither of us doubts that we have a future together. Exactly what that looks like is not totally clear at this point.

I was accepted at a college out of state before Matt and I ever knew we were in love. I mean, love with a capital L. Before Matt graduated from high school, he was accepted at a college here in Boston. He decided to take a year off between high school and college to work, earn and save some money. Well, that year he set for himself is up now.

We're still working on how to make all this happen. Do I postpone going to college and stay here in Boston with Matt? Do we both decide to go to the same college? Do we just proceed with our separate plans and have a long distance relationship? I'm sure an M/M Romance book would have an answer and we would live Happily Ever After. Well, there's a lot more involved than making a few simple decisions. The planning that has to go into this whole thing is maddening!

Time, though, is running out. The summer is almost over and Fall term begins soon. If I'm going to postpone moving, I have to get all kinds of approval from the college. And, is postponing things for myself what I really want? If I move away, then, how the hell does a "long distance relationship" work? How does it change things? Sure, we can call each other every day, Skype, e-mail, etc. But, what do we miss out on?

Without a doubt, we're both committed to seeing this through. Right now I'm getting an epic headache thinking about all this. The ending to this unfolding story (if you want to call it that) is so totally unclear. But we're talking and getting advice from lots of people we trust, including family and friends. I know this will work out because I know Matt and I love each other. Like I say, we're totally committed to seeing this through.

There is one thing, however, that is crystal clear. It goes back to the title of this post: "Happily Ever After" Doesn't Just Happen.

Merry Monday!

Before we get into some of the tougher issues this week, I thought we'd start things off on a light note. Here are some of the funny (or at least interesting) pics either friends have sent me or I've run across on some of my web surfing binges.

Our Future Together

Well, with things heating up around here (we're talking about the weather! The temp today is suppose to be 102°F, but then they say if you add the humidity, the heat index makes it feel like 109° or something!), Brad and I are volunteering this weekend at one of the "cooling centers" the city sets up for people without air conditioning, the elderly or others who don't have a cool place to be. So, we'll be occupied today and tomorrow doing that.

Starting next week, we're planning on sharing with you some things that are going to be a part of our future together. We've been doing some really hardcore talking about what's next in our relationship. We mentioned a while back that Brad is scheduled to move away to Vermont to go to college in the Fall, so that's part of what all this centers around.

It's been a tough thing to sort through because we've got two really important things going on at the same time. One is that we obviously want to be close together. Right now I live in one town and Brad lives one town over, so we're never more than 15 or 20 minutes away.

The other thing that's important is our college education. Brad was accepted at this college in Vermont that's about a 4 hour drive from Boston. Not all that far away, I guess, but still.....

Plus, when I graduated from high school, I decided to take this past year off to earn and save up some money. Well, my year is just about up, and I really want to follow through with my plans to go to college. If Brad and I had fallen in love with each other earlier, we might have planned to go to the same college together, but things are what they are.

Sometimes things happen "internally" in a relationship, like issues between the two people, and that has to be worked out. Then sometimes (like this) there are "external" things that happen to put a strain on the relationship.

Anyway, we'll post all about that next week.

Gay Comic Book Character

Posted on Advocate.com by Trudy Ring on July 20, 2011

Kevin Keller, the gay pal of Archie, Betty, and Veronica, is going to get more ink: Next year he’ll star in a monthly comic in which he becomes president of his Riverdale High School class, and the ongoing Life With Archie series will delve into Kevin’s future — including his marriage.

Kevin, who was introduced last year and has his own four-issue miniseries this summer, “has proven to be incredibly popular,” Jon Goldwater, co–chief executive of Archie Comics, told The New York Times. “We’re just so proud of the success of Kevin and the fact that he adds a new dynamic to Riverdale.”

The miniseries, which began this month, has been giving readers details on Kevin’s background as the son of a military officer, who supports the youth’s desire for a similar career. The gay character’s monthly comic, which will debut in February, will focus on his school life, in which there are ups and downs. “Even the most popular kids are not popular with everybody,” writer-artist Dan Parent, who created Kevin, told the Times. “There’s some adversity he’ll have to deal with.”

Life With Archie, which projects two future paths for Archie Andrews — he’s married to Betty in one, Veronica in the other — will offer a look at Kevin’s adulthood and marriage early next year. “We needed to figure out how to get Kevin into that book and, frankly, not sidestep the issue,” Goldwater said. “It deals with the fact that he’s a gay man and has gay relationships.” He added that there has been little negative reaction to Kevin: “Out of all the people who subscribe to the Archie books, we only had seven total cancellations.”

Horny & Hyper on the Loose

I was bored a couple of weeks ago and looking for a good read that would help me get focused. I mentioned elsewhere in the blog that I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) when I was a little kid. I won't go into all the details again, but it's always been hell for me when I'm bored. My brain is always looking for something to lock in on and I have to be aware that I can be somewhat annoying to others when I'm bored.

So, when I'm by myself and bored, I sometimes head on over to Google and start typing away. I'm like a heat-seeking missile (oh wait, that's what Brad sometimes calls my dick ... see how easily distracted I can get!!) trying to zero in on something interesting.

So, just out of wild and idle curiosity I headed over to a publisher where I've bought some books before. I landed on the website of Loose-id Publishers and on a wild hunch, I typed in "ADHD" in their search engine. I wasn't seriously expecting anything, but what do you know, this book popped up! I couldn't believe it! Here's what the brief blurb said before I sent the site my money:

         Max has always been edgy and moody, the poster boy for ADHD. The two constants in his life  were his big brother and his crush, his brother’s best friend. With his brother gone, Max wants to come out to Daniel...if only Daniel will cooperate.

Whoa! "...edgy and moody..." I've been called that when the Hyper Demon is in charge!

"...the poster boy for ADHD..." Well, put my mug shot there!

So, I was a little excited on the one hand but also a little apprehensive on the other. I mean, excited because I'd never imagined a M/M romance story where the leading character had ADHD. A little apprehensive because I wondered if the story was going to highlight his ADHD and make fun of him.

So I looked up the author's bio and read that she "...spends her time writing, editing, raising adolescents, taking care of an elderly mother, and dealing with a hyperactive husband (he says he's just very energetic)."

Okay, so maybe this is going to be cool. The author apparently has (at least that's how I read it) a husband with some type of attention disorder. So, maybe she'll treat the kid (he just started college) with some sympathy or compassion.

Well, I think she succeeded. She doesn't over-emphasize his hyperactivity and the character (named "Max," what else?) really grabs your heart.

So, image that! Being bored this time really payed off. My heat-seeking missile hit it's target. This is a relatively short story (only about 70 pages) and I ended up falling for Max. Here's the rest of the blurb:

Max knows his family and friends aren’t sure what to make of his moods and impulses. But he’s in college now and ready to show them he’s grown up and ready to make mature choices. At least he’s ready for a serious relationship and almost ready to tell his family he’s gay. He could use a little help, though.

With his loving big brother gone forever, who is left to ask for help? Daniel Rocco, his brother’s best friend and his longtime crush, of course. Daniel is solid and reliable--the opposite of Max. But for some reason, Daniel seems terrified of what Max might do next.

Trying to be a Friend

For some reason I continue to be amazed at the cruelty in the world.

This summer I've been working as a server (aka "waiter") at this really cool restaurant. We're located not too far from this university so we get a lot of college kids during the lunch shift, which is when I work.

I haven't had any real major problems with the people I serve, only the occasional guest who is what the shift manager calls "very entitled." In other words, the kind of person who thinks you are there as their personal slave... somebody they can be condescending toward and treat as a non-person. They treat you like you're some kind of nasty low-life and you get the feeling they want you to bow down when they enter the restaurant and kiss their ass for the privilege of serving them. My word for them is "pathetic." As annoying as they can be, I seem to be able to handle those kinds of people pretty well. I've learned it's all a matter of trying to maintain the right attitude and focusing my main attention on all the other people who are really decent, which is probably 99% of all the guests.

The "cruelty" I referred to in the first sentence is a whole different animal. I can understand people who are just plain "pathetic" better then I can understand people who are "cruel."

There's this one person I work with (I'll call her "Diane") and she and I have become really tight friends. She's also a server. I'm not sure of her exact age, but I would guess she's about 25 or 26. When I started working there she was the person I followed around for the first few days (she called me her "shadow") until I got the hang of how things were done. I couldn't have asked for a better trainer. She really took me under her wings and gave me all kinds of advice that would make the actual work go smoother and easier. I really appreciated how she treated me and I always look forward to the days when we work together. Matt and I have hung out with her and her boyfriend a couple of times and we've always had a good time.

Well, she confided in me at the end of last week that she and her boyfriend had this huge argument. She was sorta downplaying it at first and I got the impression is was probably just one of those "garden-variety" type of things that happens sometimes. She didn't give many details but the more she talked, the more upset she seemed.

When our shift ended, I asked her if she wanted to get a soda and go to this park down the street to talk. Well, she opened up and told me her so-called "boyfriend" had hit her and slapped her around some during this argument. Even then she was downplaying it, which I had a hard time understanding. We talked some more and she said this was not the first time he had done something like that. She was actually a little taken aback when I told her that there was no way she should downplay what had happened. I told her there was no excuse for what he had been doing, that it was wrong and I was worried about her.

Then she said something that surprised me. She just turned to me, had this small smile on her face and said, "Well, you know how guys can be sometimes." I was dumbfounded. Not what I expected to hear! I got angry at that point (which I still feel bad about) and said straight to her face, "No, goddammit! This is NOT how guys can just be sometimes!" I think my anger startled her and then I realized she was feeling like I was criticizing her, or blaming her. When I explained that she was not at fault and I was not saying she did anything wrong, she started crying. I just leaned in and put my arms around her and tried to soothe her the best I could.

I tried to think of what to say to her. I mean, I've never had a friend tell me anything like this before. I knew they lived together and all I was thinking about was her safety. I was sorta stumbling around with what to say and just asked her if she ought to move out and get her own place or maybe stay with a friend until she could sort things out. She said she was worried that this might make him even angrier. I was running all kinds of ideas in my mind and ended up being very direct with what I thought. I felt like as a friend I owed her that. But I also didn't want to say anything like I was in control of her life or anything. I didn't want her to feel like I was pressuring her. I mean, the last thing I wanted to do was have some kind of controlling attitude that she might see as similar to how her boyfriend treated her.

So, all I said was, "Look. This is probably just going to get worse. I mean, I think you're telling me all this cause you trust me. I want to help and I don't want to find out you ended up in the hospital or dead." I got her to agree to at least talk to my dad, who is an attorney. So, I got on my cell, called him at his office, and she agreed to go over to see him in about an hour. She wanted me to go with her, which I was hoping she would ask. I think she needed some extra support or strength or something.

My dad made some calls and let her use a conference room at his office so she could call some program or agency in town that helps with domestic violence. She didn't want to leave this guy just yet because she didn't feel prepared for his possible reaction. My dad told her about restraining orders and gave her all kinds of legal advice. After being at his office for a couple of hours, she asked him how much she owed him. So, he said there was this category of legal work called "pro bono," and she didn't own him anything except her promise that she would consider everything he told her and call him if she wanted to go with the restraining order or had any other questions. He also told her about some "safe houses" where she could stay.

So, yeah, I can handle "pathetic" customers who come to the restaurant and want me to kiss their ass and treat them like royalty. Piece of cake. I don't like it, but those kind of people are not worth my time to worry about. It's the cruelty like what my friend has been going through that makes me want to turn into a raving maniac. When somebody deliberately hurts a friend of mine ... and puts their life at risk ... I'll do whatever I have to do to protect them. Maybe I'm being naïve or something. I mean I don't think doing something like this will end all the cruelty in the world. All I care about is being a friend and making sure I do everything possible to keep a friend safe from physical violence ... or worse, death.

I felt really special that she trusted me enough to tell me all this stuff. I felt like she was counting on me. How could I let her down? One lesson I'm getting out of all this is the value of friendship in this world. Maybe in the long run it will have some kind of positive impact on all the cruelty in the world. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

Just For Fun!

Guess I must be bored or something. When I've got some down time, I like to collect stuff like this -- just for a laugh or to think about a story that could be told about it.

Teasing, Being "Picked On," and Bullying

I had a number of second thoughts about posting this. On the one had it's about a very personal experience when I was in high school that was extremely painful and humiliating to me. I didn't want people to think I was looking for sympathy or anything along the lines of, "Oh, poor Matt."

On the other hand, I just read an article in the media (Advocate.com)  about the fact that from 2009 to 2010, there was a 23% increase in murders of LGBT and HIV-affected people in the United States, with the second highest yearly total ever recorded by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs.

It's probably true that most teenagers get teased and picked on in school. I think sometimes "teasing" can be completely innocent. I remember teasing and picking on some of my friends and my complete intention was to just joke around in a friendly way -- sort of like the way kids have of being friendly or even affectionate with each other.

And then there's all the teasing and "picking-on" that's meant to hurt and demean somebody else. That's a different animal altogether.

I sometimes think when people hear the term "bullying," they tend to see it as a word that describes normal teen behavior. I'm trying to remember to use the word Violence instead of "bullying." And that's what I'm talking about here.

Lots of teens like me have experienced homophobic abuse, bullying and violence in school and it's always been important to me that no one feel they are the only one experiencing it. When you feel you're totally alone, it makes what happened to you even more painful.

I was beginning to come out to myself at 15, but started coming out to others at 16. Even though I went to a pretty progressive high school, and most of my friends knew I was gay, there were still a few cretins and assholes there. I got plenty of respect and acceptance from friends, but these few cretins took every opportunity to call me all kinds of names and I was beaten up pretty bad one time.

One time this asshole from the South found out I was gay. He was a self-proclaimed “redneck” who prided himself on being ignorant and “tough.” One day he and 3 goon friends of his cornered me behind the school building and one held me while the others kicked and punched me, while calling me faggot, and other choice words. There were 5 or 6 of their friends watching this and laughing and cheering them on.

It was not only physically horrible, but the humiliation of being watched by others while it was happening was awful. I felt so totally alone.

I got a black eye and bruises on my arms and torso and my parents went to the boy's house and talked to his parents. My parents filed charges against the kid who organized the whole thing. They also went to the school the next day and had a conference with the principal. God only knows what my parents said to the Principal, but I was left along by that kid and his posse after that.

At the time I was totally convinced I was the ONLY gay kid being treated like this. My parents reassured me that I had done nothing wrong by deciding to be out at school and supported me all the way. I also got involved in the Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA) in my school and it proved to be an incredible support.  Sometimes it helps me to write about painful experiences. When all my thoughts are jumbled up inside, it's hard to sort things out so I can figure out how to handle the pain.

Here are some resources you can check out if you're being bullied or people have been violent toward you:

The Trevor Project, It Get's Better, Safe Space, Gay, Lesbian & Straight Network

Who's That Hot Guy Walking Down the Street?

Brad and I have mentioned here in the blog that sometimes when we're driving around, we might notice a guy walking on the sidewalk and we both do a double-take. Or, we might be out shopping and the same thing happens.

So, we thought it would be fun to see what kind of "first-notice" physical appearance makes you do a double-take while thinking to yourself, "My God, he's hot!"

We're not talking here about seeing a pic of a hot guy on a website where you get time to look and drool. And we're not talking about your "ideal" image of a really hot guy. All we're talking about is when you see a hot guy out in public and do a double-take. What turns your head? What get's your juice flowing? What makes you want to just stop and stare?


Bending Boy:


OK, so you won't see this on the street, but still... Riding Boy:



                                         

Boy with Ball(s):                                                                        Trying to Look Cool Boy:

Strolling Boy:

Stretching Boy:

Just Looking Boys:                                                                                                          Artist Boy:

Outdoor Fun: Wind Surfing & Sex on the Beach

One of the things about being at the beach is how you want to spend every minute outside. I mean, that's the main reason people go to the beach, right? The ocean, the waves, the sun, the half naked hot guys!

Over years of practice, Matt and his brother have gotten pretty good at wind surfing. I had never tried it before, and I gotta say it looks easier than it actually is. I mean, you're out there in the ocean with waves crashing all around you (okay, that may be a little dramatic -- they weren't actually "crashing," more like what Matt calls really nice "swells," which he always grins at me looking at my crotch when he says that word "swell.")

Anyway, you're out there on this surf board with a pole sticking right up (Matt's grinning again!) and there's this sail attached to it and you're trying to balance yourself on the board, with the water "swelling" all around you, holding on to this bar that you use to navigate things. If you've never done it before, there's a lot to be thinking about, trying to get your body to stay balanced while leaning this way, then that way, making sure your grip on the bar is secure and then trying to let up on the bar on one end while making the bar move another way on the other end, bending your knees sometimes, straightening them other times... all while you're trying to look like you know what the hell you're doing.

After a while I got the hang of it and ended up having a terrific time. It was sorta like the feeling I use to get when I would play soccer in high school. There's a certain rhythm to it that sometimes feels like you're doing this really elegant dance. I got this thrilling sensation when everything was going right. There's the movement of the water, the movement of the wind, the movement of your hands and the overall movement of your body... all working together. What a high!

The other outdoor activity that was a first for both of us was having sex on the beach. Matt has talked about wanting us to do that, so it wasn't a total surprise when he brought it up after we got there for the weekend.

So, the plan was that we would wake up around 2 AM on Saturday night (or actually Sunday morning), grab this huge beach blanket thing they have, and this beach straw basket where we had packed the lube, two beach towels and some hand cloths, and head for the beach. There were some clouds out so the moonlight was not blaring down on us and we decided to stay close to where the dunes and sea oats were instead of going all the way to the middle of the sand.

At that time of night there didn't seem to be anyone else around, so we spread the blanket down and walked to the water for a little while -- just holding hands and testing the water. We decided to just take a little dip in the water only venturing out about 10 or 15 feet -- enough so we could sit down and get our bodies covered with the salt water. While we were kissing I had this incredible feeling that we were the only two people on the planet at that moment. There was this light breeze and after a few minutes, the waves were not the only thing "swelling." So we turned around and walked back to the blanket.

Matt asked me to just lie down on my back while he slipped my Speedos down (yes, I'm addicted to those things now!). Then he took his off. Well, what do you expect then? Talk about things "swelling!" I don't think either of us has gotten that hard, that fast. I think the rush was probably because there we were, totally naked on the beach, under the stars and moon, hearing the slight breaking of the waves, just totally enjoying each other's body.

I have to admit that it was something of a head rush to take a risk like this -- I mean, being totally naked on the beach and having your lover on top of you, knowing that shortly we were going to be having full-on sex.

Well, Matt has this thing where he loves to taste my body -- I mean all over. And tonight we had already gotten all this ocean salt water all over us. I swear to God he knows how to use that tongue of his (it ought to be registered as an X-rated sex toy or something! But then again he says my body should be the registered sex-toy!). So, I'm all his at this point. He's tasting the saltiness and saying how similar it is to how my cum tastes. I mean, I'm moaning like every cell in my body is about to cum at any moment. I made him stop for just a second and took his face in my hands and just smiled. He just grinned back and that's when he said, "What's more exciting than my tongue on the loose?" Well, that almost did it. I came so close to climaxing at that point, but I wanted it to last a little longer.

Wouldn't you know that at that point, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed some movement across the beach. I just tilted my head and saw these two dark figures walking down the beach. Because of the cloud cover keeping the moonlight shaded, I couldn't tell whether it was a man and a woman or two women or two men, but a couple was definitely passing by. I pulled Matt down over me so he was covering me. Then I realized his back and ass were fully exposed on top of me. I whispered that there was a couple walking by, and he didn't seem to mind in the least.

We just stayed completely still and then noticed that they had stopped walking. They were maybe a hundred yards away and it looked like they were facing us. I guess they were trying to figure out what it was they were seeing. I mean, maybe they thought they had spotted a small beached porpoise or something and were going to investigate (!). Well, Matt figured if they wanted to watch, why not give them a show? For some reason I still don't understand, I didn't put up any resistance. I mean, we had gone this far, and I was -- to tell the truth -- horny as hell, so why spoil things for us?

Matt turned me over on my tummy, reached in the basket, took out the lube, got my ass ready, and slowly -- ever so slowly -- entered me, just swaying ever so slightly. I think it's the slowest we've ever done it. But, oh my god, it was so perfect. I was almost going away in my mind to that neverland where you go when you sorta loose consciousness during sex, and I looked over and noticed the couple was slowly walking away. I absolutely know they were aware of what they were seeing, and either they were embarrassed or they just wanted to respect our privacy, but they did stop once or twice and look back. At one point I saw them embracing and kiss each other, and then they were gone. Who knows, maybe they found themselves a private spot down the beach and decided to have a little midnight fun themselves?

So, mark up two more "firsts" for me: wind sailing and sex on the beach (not at the same time!). So, yeah, Outdoor Fun at the Beach... I can't wait for our next trek to the Cape. I think it's become one of my favorite summer destinations yet!

Cape Cod Adventures

WOW, what a whirlwind weekend! Worth every second, though!!

So, Matt gave some of the headlines yesterday, and I'll fill in some of the details, at least from my perspective.

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Matt has one of the best families you could hope for. This was the first time I spent such an extended time with them, and all I can say is that they are "the real deal."

Once we got there and settled in, I put on my "Pay Attention Eyes," to see if the impressions I had of his parents would hold up over this extended time. I mean, you can get a pretty good impression of somebody when you go over to their house for dinner or even spend an afternoon with them. But this was going to be a whole weekend. 

I was really interested in seeing how Matt's parents were together, I mean from first thing in the morning until they went to bed -- for a whole 2 1/2 days.  And why, you might ask? Well, since Matt and I have been together, they have been my "secret" role models for how a marriage can work. These people are so much fun to be around and they actually seem to not only love each other, but like each other -- a lot. At times they can act like 2 teenagers in love, but not that "gooey, sentimental, puppy love" that you see sometimes with certain teenagers (ahemmmmm, Matt and I put ourselves in the "young adult" category!).

One thing I really liked about their relationship is they seem to totally enjoy each other. You get the impression his mom thinks his dad is the most interesting person she knows -- and vice versa. You would think that after over two decades of married life they would have learned everything there was to know about each other -- and, for the most part that's probably true. I guess what I'm trying to say is that they are always curious about each other. To watch them together, you get the feeling they are just waiting to learn something new about the other one. When they talk to each other in the evening they never seem to run out of things to say. I think Matt and I have something like that going on and I hope we never loose it.

Matt thinks I'm funny, but I sometimes write down stuff they say. Like little bits of wisdom I don't want to forget and think about later. Here's my favorite from this past weekend. We were eating lunch on Sunday and somehow it came up that Matt and I have known each other for over a year now. I have this little secret thing I do sometimes with his parents where I drop something in the conversation that might get them to say something about how they have such a cool relationship. I said something like, "So, how long did it take you guys to get to know each other so well?" Simple question, right? Well, what his dad said next is what I tried to remember to write down later: "You don't get to know somebody better by knowing them longer." Whoa! I think I zoned out of the conversation for a few minutes so I could keep saying that answer in my head so I wouldn't forget it.

Matt's younger brother was there with us too. He's two years younger than Matt (he's 17 now) and he and I have become really good friends. I think I've said somewhere else in the blog that he told Matt once that if we ever broke up, Matt would have to move out and I would move in and be his brother! Totally sweet. I don't have a brother, so I told him we could go ahead and be brothers now. All he said was, "I think we already are. And not just brothers-in-law, but brothers. Period."

I think we did sorta freak him out once over the weekend. He and his parents were out on the beach and Matt and I had stayed back to relax and take a short nap. Well, Matt and I got a little frisky, as is known to happen almost every time when we find ourselves naked and in bed together! Well, Matt was a little more frisky than usual and we started wrestling with each other -- pinning each other down -- grabbing body parts -- I mean  really getting into it. Matt was doing a pretty good job of being the dominant one. I mean, when did his arms get so strong and his body so powerful? I hadn't noticed how that happened before. I guess with all his construction work, hammering, hauling things around, stuff like that, his shoulders have gotten gradually broader and stronger.

Well, after we managed to fall off the bed, he carried me into the living room {sighing just remembering it!} and we continued messing around. Well, I guess you know what happened next, right? Matt's brother came back to the house to get a snack and walked in on us. He just took one look, said, "Whoa," and quickly turned around and walked out. I mean, SHIT! So, I get all freaked out myself and all Matt's doing is laughing. He just grabbed my hand, helped me up and led me back in the bedroom. After shutting the door and locking it, he doesn't miss a beat but continued where we left off. Somehow my mind shut completely down on his brother walking in on us and was turned back on to what we were doing.

Matt told me later it was no big deal (!). He said his brother had seen plenty of porn and it really was no big deal. I mean, his brother was there for probably like all of two seconds and didn't see that much. Matt said his brother was probably gonna be more embarrassed than we were. Needless to say, me and his brother were sorta shy around each other for a while later that day, but Matt was his usual self, which helped me try and return to normal. Nothing was ever said about him seeing us, and life just went on as usual.

So, I know people have commented on how we have these "cliffhangers" sometimes. I guess this is gonna be another one of them. I'm not planning it that way deliberately, but I do have to get ready for work. I'll give you a hint though. Tomorrow I'll write a little about how we actually managed to have sex on the beach -- at night -- under the stars -- with the waves crashing -- in front of God and everything!! And somehow I did manage to remember a comment Matt made while it was going on (which I wrote down later -- not as a bit of wisdom, but just something totally cute and hot Matt said while it was happening -- something I wanted to remember):  "What's more exciting than my tongue on the loose?"

2 Beach Bums!

Well, there's no doubt about it. Being a beach bum on beautiful Cap Cod could become a way of life for us with if we were both independently wealthy (or had a Sugar Daddy who would support us!! LOL). But since we're not wealthy and nobody has offered to be our Sugar Daddy, we'll just take many return visits when we can.

Living in Massachusetts all our lives, we forget we're not the center of the universe, so here's a pic of the Cape from a satellite. It's the eastern part of the State and it's the part that looks likes an arm sticking out into the Atlantic Ocean flexing it's muscles:

My parents jointly own a house there with another family, and they work out a schedule early in the year where they share the time in two week slots ... two weeks for each family. The rest of the time they rent it out to help pay the mortgage.

So, my folks had already been there the week before we arrived and then Brad and I just came down for the weekend, along with my younger brother.

We got there on Friday night and the weather was rainy, so my parents took us all out for this really nice dinner. Then Mother Nature cooperated and we had a picture-perfect Saturday and Sunday. We just got back this morning and Brad has to work today, and I'm going in shortly, so this will just be a short post. We'll write more over this week.

So, for the highlights:

We got to do some windsurfing on Saturday. This was Brad's first time and he had a ball! He brought his Speedos and wore them the whole time. I think I got him addicted now!! YAY! He looks so hot in them. Oh, in case you've never been windsurfing, here's a pic of some guy doing his thing:

We weren't able to locate the "clothing optional" beach, so we'll save that for another day.

We did have an incredibly fun time and now I have some really interesting tan lines to enjoy on Brad! But, more about that later!

Sorry this is so short, but, hey, we have to make some more money to go back. We promise more details later.....

Weekend at the Beach!

Yep! We're off to the beach for the weekend! YAY!

Matt's parents have a house on Cape Cod they share with another family (the other family won't be there). The weather today is pretty crappy, but everything is suppose to clear up for Saturday and Sunday.

We might even get to do some wind surfing, which I've never done before. And, or course, I've remembered to pack my Speedos. Matty's checked my bags twice already to make sure they're there!

Oh, and Matty heard there is suppose to be a nude beach (or "clothing optional") somewhere on the Cape. So, of course, he's been searching the web trying to find out where it is. I've already told him there ain't no way I'm gonna take my clothes off at the beach -- in public! No way! I honestly doubt he will either, but, we'll see.

Hope everybody has a good weekend! See you back on Monday!

What Brad Didn't Say...

There were two things Brad failed to mention in his post yesterday. And I think they are both worth mentioning.

The first was that he was the total center of attention at the party.

The second is that I finally got to meet his grandparents. His grandmother, "Nana," and his grandfather, "Papa," so totally adore Brad that I had a hard time taking my eyes off how they doted on him!

It was really special to me that I was invited since this was the first time I got to meet everybody. His aunt and uncle had us all out to their place and we had this huge cookout that was so spectacular. Some neighbors were also invited and I guess all told there were maybe 20 people there. They have this really nice swimming pool and the weather couldn't have been nicer.

When I told Brad I wanted to write about how he was the center of attention, he just rolled his eyes and turned five shades of red. I think the boy was so focused on being self-conscious about being almost naked in his new, sexy Speedo that he wasn't aware that people were just admiring him. I mean, it wasn't like they were lusting after him (like I was, of course), but I think it was more like they were kinda seeing him in a brand new light -- and not in a bad way. It was like they were seeing him as this really confident, handsome, sexy guy who was no longer "Little Brad," the cute teenager who never seemed, for some reason, to have a boyfriend. I kept hearing comments like, "My, my, look how you've grown up."

Well, maybe I should take back part of what I just said... the part about how they were not lusting after him. This was coming not from his family, but from some of the neighbors -- especially two sisters from next door. One was 16 and the other was 18. They initially didn't know Brad was gay, or that I was his boyfriend, so I guess they figured they would move in and get acquainted. I mean, who could blame them? Here's this totally cute and hot guy just being his charming self. How could they not notice? They said later they had thought I was a friend of his, but they definitely had their eyes on him! I was just basking in the sun, hiding behind my sunglasses, and enjoying the show! So sweet! So cute! 

They were totally embarrassed after a while to find out that I wasn't Brad's "friend," but his boyfriend. Neither of them had a problem with us being gay, but I definitely think the older girl was feeling let down (probably how I would feel if I had my eyes on Brad for the first time and then found out he already had a boyfriend).

And his grandparents! I can see now where Brad gets his charm. When I was first introduced to Nana and Papa, they welcomed me into the family and started relating to me like I was their grandson! They both insisted I call them Nana and Papa and I got immediately invited to visit them in their home in a couple of weeks. They live about an hours drive outside Boston and I've been promised (according to Papa), "the best home-cooked meal you'll ever taste!" Papa said he still believes Nana put some kind of aphrodisiac in the first meal she cooked for him because he feel immediately in love with her at that point! And Nana was laughing her head off, denying it was something she put in the food. I mean, she looked him in the eyes and said she knew it was her "sexy beauty" (totally her words!!) that did the trick! It totally blew me away! I mean, I hadn't heard grandparents talk like this... ever! It was so sweet.

As we were getting ready to leave after the fireworks, Nana told me she couldn't have picked "a more adorable boyfriend" for Brad. Nana told me that when Brad had told them he was gay about three years ago, she made him promise she would have to give her seal of approval when he got a boyfriend. They playfully scolded Brad for not bringing me immediately to them for their approval after we met over a year ago. But, Nana let him off the hook when she said something like, "Well, I guess you knew we'd approve anyway." Then I actually got my cheek playfully pinched!

What a day! What a boyfriend! What a family! I'm still floating on cloud nine!
Oh, and maybe later I'll tell about the "private fireworks" that happened that night when we got home! Two firework displays in one day?? "Whew" is all I gotta say!

Brad in a Speedo!

No, that is NOT a pic of me in a Speedo! It's this really well-build guy who is modeling the style I decided to get after Matt finally wore me down and convinced me to get one!

I'm still amazed he was able to convince me to buy one to wear for my family's Fourth of July party yesterday.

So, how'd he do it? Well, he threatened to never have sex with me again if I didn't get one!! -- I knew he was totally kidding (I hoped) but I finally gave in after I gave him a private viewing when we got home after buying the darn thing. The thing actually cost about $45 for maybe 5 square inches of cloth that just barely covered my ass and dick!

Seriously, he convinced me to get it by saying all the right things to make me feel like I was the sexiest thing alive! Hearing all those compliments, and seeing the evidence in his pants, was the easy part. But getting me to wear the darn thing in front of my entire family -- including my parents, some aunts, uncles and cousins was the real challenge.

He had already talked to my sister who agreed to do some undercover investigative work. I have a cousin who is 22 and he use to be on his college swim team and the only thing they wear in competitive swimming is those itsy-bitsy things. My sister told Matt my cousin was planning on being at the party and agreed to wear his. So it would be Matt, my cousin and me wearing those things.

So, what can I say? It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My worst fear was that I'd get a hard-on in front of everybody and would have to spend the entire party in the pool! Well, being as self-conscious as I was, having sex-thoughts was the last thing my mind was interested in creating!

Matt had told me that wearing a black one did the best job of not highlighting the "merchandise," so that's what I wore. Matt wore his back one with this really hot slanting red bar on the side and my cousin wore a red wine colored one.

Well, we all got some good-natured whistles and applause when we made our appearance, but I just tried to act as nonchalant as possible -- like it was something I did every day of my life. In my mind I was reciting the multiplication table to keep my thoughts focused!

I still don't think I have the body type you need to wear one, the kind all those models have in the catalogues. But, Matt was pleased and after a while I sorta relaxed into it. Well, I can now mark up this experience in my "Things I've Never Done Before" list.

So, we're planning to go the the beach next weekend and I'm actually thinking about wearing it there. Who would've known! Matt really is a Wonder of Wonders!

If you Believe (lyrics) - Sasha

Being Gay and Out in High School

A friend of mine told me about this book, recommended it and said it was very powerful. Neither Matt nor I have read it, but we were wondering if anybody here has read it and can comment on it. Since neither of us are still in high school, we're not that compelled to buy it. But, it does sound like an important book for teens who are in high school and gay.


Here's the blurb:

What is it like to be "out" in high school today? Is homophobia still rampant, or have things changed? How do the reactions of students, teachers, administrators, and families affect the out gay student?

A Vigil for Joe Rose is a collection of stories told with empathy and humour about the experience of being out in high school. As a unified collection, these eight short stories and a novella chart the journey of the main characters from first coming out to their growth into confident young gay men, and the challenges, triumphs, and losses along the way.

Here's the website where you can get more info:
http://joerose.jigsy.com/