Thursday, February 26, 2015

Fire Tree, Part 2

Matt's Fire Tree, part 2
by Thorny Sterling
It was almost exactly a year ago that my friend Thorny painted a tree and dedicated it to me. You can see a picture of the tree he painted and what I wrote about it by clicking here. It's really interesting to me to compare the two different styles of painting he did.

Then Thorny went back and did something really amazing with the original photo of the tree. He used a special filter in his digital painting program and painted the tree with little "flecks," which he described as "glitter." So he sent me the new painting which you see above. He said it wasn't meant to replace the original painting, but that it was just another interpretation of it.

I've always loved trees and have a huge collection on a disc as well as some framed ones hanging on different walls at home. Whenever I'm in a low mood or anxious about something, I like going through my Tree Collection and imagining being somewhere in the scene. It's like a form of meditation for me. 

Sometimes I'll imagine myself on a leisurely hike with my head focused on the trail or the immediate surroundings, imagining bird sounds, and then look up and see the tree in the near distance and slowly walk closer to it.

But I also like to vary my meditation. Sometimes I imagine myself climbing the tree and sitting on one of the branches and taking in the scenery all around me. 

This may sound a little "out there," but when I'm around trees -- either in the woods or in some scene I create in my imagination -- I feel a kind of pull. It's almost as if there's some kind of life-giving energy surrounding me that makes me feel calm and grounded and very much at peace.

With all the snow we've had this season, and all the stress associated with it (including dealing with a leak in the ceiling that came from all the snow and ice on the roof), I was going through my Tree Collection the other night. I spent some time imagining myself in the presence of the tree Thorny painted for me, Matt's Fire Tree, part 2

See those sturdy branches in the lower part of the painting, as well and those a little higher up? I was there in my imagination the other night feeling the warm Spring breeze on my face. And those "flecks" Thorny used provide a luminosity to those glorious colors all around me. 

I love how I can use my imagination to be in the midst of Springtime. And Matt's Fire Tree, part 2 takes me right there.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Clearing the air

Before even sitting down with Brad's parents about our getting married, I felt like there was some unfinished business that needed to be addressed first.

And I was nervous as hell to address this issue. I talked to Brad about it before I called his dad to see if his dad and I -- just the two of us -- could maybe meet somewhere for coffee so I could talk to him about something on my mind.

See, the background on this goes all the way back to the beginning days of when Brad and I were getting serious with each other. We had been dating for a number of months and when we finally got to that point where we knew, without any doubt, that we loved -- and were in love with -- each other, I opened up to Brad about some really intense feelings I had about the way his dad had treated, and mistreated, him while he was growing up.

But there was even more to it than that. It was only last summer that Brad's dad contacted him to see if they would talk -- talk about their relationship. So for the vast majority of the time Brad and I have been together, they've had an estranged relationship. 

Things now are so good between them. His dad has really come through this time and it all looks and feels genuine. Brad is the happiest I've seen him in a long while, and I'm trying to find the right words to convey how incredibly proud I am of him for opening up to his dad and doing the work involved in reconnecting in a meaningful way.

But I'll tell you, early on in my relationship with Brad, I had a hard time containing my anger at his dad. It just tore me up to hear some of the stories about how his dad treated him. And it was almost unbearable for me to see him in all the pain he was feeling.

About a year into our relationship (I think I was 19 at the time), it finally got to the point that I just couldn't bear it anymore. We were visiting his parents one weekend and while Brad was in the other room with his mother and sister, I walked in the room where his dad was. 

Now I wish I had thought all this through better, but at the time it all seemed pretty simple and black and white to me. All I said to him was something along the lines of, "So I just want you to know Brad has told me a lot about how you treated him when he was growing up. And all I want to say to you is this: You better never do anything from this point on to hurt him because you'll have to deal with me if you do. That's all I have to say to you." And I turned around and walked out of the room.

I know, I know. Pretty caveman of me. And also very disrespectful of Brad's feelings because I hadn't even discussed it with him before I did this. I told Brad what I had done and it took us a while to work out what this did to our relationship.

Now that he's taken the initiative to repair the damage he did, his dad and I have a much closer relationship. I have a lot of respect for his dad now and see him as someone with integrity and worthy of respect. But I had never gone back to his dad to talk with him directly about my relationship with him. And before I sat down with his parents to tell them I was going to ask Brad to marry me, I felt like this was something I needed to do. 

I'm trying to live my life with as much integrity as possible. And it just didn't feel right to sit down with his parents to discuss my future with their son until this piece of unfinished business was resolved.

So I contacted his dad and asked if he and I could meet somewhere for coffee to discuss something important. Just he and I. And this time I discussed it with Brad beforehand, and he thought it was a good idea. As a side note, remember that I hadn't proposed to Brad so he wasn't aware of the full plan I had in mind. My plan was first to clear the air between his dad and I, and then, a couple of weeks later I wanted to sit down with both his parents to tell them I was about to propose to Brad and ask for their blessing, meaning that I hoped they would be happy for us.

So when his dad and I met for coffee, I discussed the time I threatened him. The time I said if he ever did anything again to hurt Brad, he would answer to me. I gave him some of the background to my thinking at the time and clarified that Brad hadn't known I planned to say all this to him. I basically said I should have handled the situation better, including having discussed this with Brad beforehand. 

I told him I wasn't apologizing for the anger I had at the time, but I was apologizing for the way I handled it. And it would mean a lot to me if we could clear the air between us about that incident.

His dad and I have been on much better terms since he initiated reaching out to Brad last summer. Sure, I initially had some reservations about Brad being hurt again if his dad didn't really follow through with his efforts to reconcile, but I've been totally supportive of Brad and his dad reconnecting.

To make a long story short, his dad listened -- really listened -- to me with a seriousness I appreciated. It was a good talk and I feel like we both got a better appreciation of each other. He told me he had a lot of respect for me for wanting to clear the air between us.

The conversation gradually lightened up as we continued to enjoy our coffee and pastries and we even joked around some. He's got a great sense of humor and I got to see a side of him I hadn't experienced before. All I can say is, it was nice. 

During one of our lighter moments he even said something like, "You know, Matt, when you came and told me I'd have to deal with you, I remember thinking to myself, 'What a punk kid.' " Since we were being good-humored with each other, we both got a good laugh at that. I just said, "Yeah. I really wish I had handled that differently."

Then he got a little serious again. He told me, "I remember I brushed off what you said to me because of your bravado. But it also made me think about what I'd done."

We ended our talk on a really good note. He thanked me for asking him out for our talk and told me he had so much respect for me. And that he hoped to continue earning Brad's respect, too.

Little did he know that in a couple of weeks I'd be coming over to talk to him and Brad's mom about my decision to propose to Brad. Now that the air was cleared of unfinished business, I was ready to move to the next step.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Sundays with Sam: Dreaming of Spring

Hi every one! Guess who? Give up? Well, it's Sunday so that means it's time for Sam! And this week it is Sam-I-Am-Ready-For-SPRING!

I am writing this early Saturday morning and I have to leave in a few minutes to get ready for another snow storm! Oh man. I am so ready for Spring to arrive, just like that pic up there! I keep dreaming all the warm thoughts I can come up with, but so far who ever is in charge of the weather is not listening to me!

Later this afternoon (Saturday) the snow is suppose to start coming in. They say we're suppose to get any where from 3 to 5 inches, but I have a funny feeling they are not telling us the truth! Haha! I think they realize people here are so sick of this winter, so they are trying not to start any riots or some thing! Haha!

But then after it has been snowing for a while, the temperature over night is suppose to start rising! Can you believe that? And so the snow will change over to sleet!

But wait, that's not all. Then as the temperature continues to go up, the sleet will change over to RAIN! This is hard to believe!

So we start out with 3 to 5 inches of snow, then it starts sleeting, then it starts raining!

But wait, that's not all. Then Sunday night the temperature will do a nose dive and every thing will then turn to solid ICE!

This is unbelievable! So today (Saturday) I am getting ready to leave for work to get ready for this new storm. We are going to be clearing the snow off roofs. A lot of homes and businesses here have had collapsed roofs already. So now with the additional snow, and sleet, and ICE, it is going to be especially dangerous.

My company is extremely serious about our safety, and besides that, I would refuse to do any thing if I did not feel safe. So don't worry about me. MY safety is my FIRST concern. So I will follow all the rules they have set up to keep us safe.

Any way. I just wanted to say hello instead of just not posting. But I would like to ask one favor if you don't mind. PLEASE start sending out positive thoughts to make Spring come faster! I know it is suppose to be on the way, but I'll believe it when I see it! LOL.

See you next Sunday! Love and Hugs, Sam.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

A winter wedding?

I guess you could tell from my Thank You post the other day that I'm SO HAPPY about our engagement! 

A friend of ours we haven't talked to in a while wrote us the other day after reading the announcement we made on the blog. She lives in a time zone that's 5 hours behind us. We didn't get the email until 10:30 p.m. and had already gone off-line for the night. She has a great sense of humor and we could almost hear her excitement the next day when we opened her email:

You're engaged? Details please! Come on, out with it! Well? What are you waiting for? I don't care what time it is in Boston! Get your butts up! *taps toes impatiently*

We wrote her back the next day and explained that we hadn't even gotten to the point of making specific and concrete plans for the wedding yet. She suggested that we may not want a winter wedding, especially with all the snow we've been getting here in New England.

I was getting ready to say that the snow wouldn't stop Matty, but before I got that out she wrote, 

You may not want a winter wedding. I immediately got a visual of him [Matty] in a tux with a shovel going, "No no, you wait right there babe. Just let me get this 8 ft of snow out of the way and we'll get to the ceremony."

I can't wait to share with you guys some of the stories and details.... 

How Matty proposed to me {*sigh*}. 

His conversation -- by himself -- with my mom and dad, asking for their blessing {*sigh*}

How Matty's parents reacted {*sigh*} when they found out (remember, his mom likes me better. LOL!)....  And on and on... 

In the meantime, here are some actual pics of the snow in Boston, sent to us by Carole-Ann from BuzzFeed. I've taken some liberty to caption them for your enjoyment:

Matty looks out the window
to evaluate the situation.
He carefully opens the door
with shovel in hand.
He checks out the street.

He clears the sidewalk.
He guides the wedding guests.

 We're almost there!"

Wednesday, February 18, 2015


This helps me feel calm.

I'm spending a little more time lately doing my evening meditations. Trying to stay grounded.

As I mentioned in a post a short while back, it's not helpful to get myself worked up over things I can't control. Like the weather. 

It's funny because I'm starting to surprise myself. When I hear the latest weather report about another 2 feet of snow being dumped on us, to be added to the already 8 feet of snow on the ground, it registers in my brain, I sorta smile, and find myself thinking, "Oh  well." 

It's amazing how helpful that thought has been on my outlook. 

I actually seem to be remembering that I have a lot more control over how I manage my feelings about the things I can't control. 

That's an important life lesson for me. In so many ways.

I actually look forward to spending each evening enjoying a mug of hot cocoa.

I look forward to arranging the wood in the fireplace when I get home and then sitting in front of the fire and being drawn into some hypnotic world where my mind and body and soul feel free and warm and cared for. 

It's especially nice on the evenings when my fiancé is cuddled up next to me in front of the fire. I've discovered that so much gets communicated in the silence between us. And that silent communication is so calming to me.

It's nice. I guess I've come full circle now. At the beginning of winter I was waxing poetic about the season. All the beautiful snow. How joyful I felt shoveling. Going up and down the neighborhood greeting people, playfully commiserating about the snow, laughing, meeting a few new neighbors I hadn't see before.

Then it started feeling like a huge burden. Something I'd get easily frustrated with. My mood would sink. I'd become irritable with very little provocation. I started withdrawing within myself. I felt like I was losing my sense of humor.

And now I'm back full circle. Allowing myself to find even the small things to enjoy. There's something comforting about withdrawing within myself to find that invincible summer Camus was talking about in the quote above. 

Yeah. How about that? I'm back to waxing poetic about the winter and the snow. It helps to know I have an invincible summer within. 

The warmth from the fireplace helps me feel it.

Picturing in my mind the returning birds chirping and singing.

Imagining the gentle warm Spring breeze that will allow me to start going shirtless outside again.

And feeling the quiet and strong heartbeat of my beloved as he cuddles with me under the blankets each night -- as we keep each other warm until morning arrives.

Spring is on the way. Summer will follow. 

In the meantime I'm discovering that invincible summer within. This makes me calm.

Monday, February 16, 2015

A BIG thank you

Matty and I are so grateful for all the well-wishes over our engagement announcement. You guys have been, and continue to be, a big source of joy to us. 

You're always there for us in the difficult times with incredible words of support and encouragement, and you cheer us on during times of joy and celebration.

We'll be writing more in the upcoming days and weeks about our plans, but for now, as we're digging out from yet another blizzard, can I just say one thing?

EmojiI AM SO HAPPY!Emoji 

And now picture me jumping up and down with the biggest smile on my face doing the most incredible happy dance you have ever seen!

Today is a holiday here (President's Day), and I think Canada is also celebrating a holiday, but I couldn't find out which one. So help me out here, you Canadians. 

There's no school and I'm waiting to hear if my work will be open. Matty definitely has work off.

Hope everyone has a great day. Again, thank all of you so much for your well-wishes. We both look forward to filling you in on our plans.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do another happy dance! Emoji

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Sundays with Sam: Snow and love

Hi every one! It's time for Sam-I-Am-A-Snowman! LOL!

I am writing this on Saturday because later tonight I will be going in to work for just a short while to get ready for the blizzard that's going to be hitting us pretty hard on Sunday! Like I said before, all this snow is good for my overtime since I work for a landscaping company and we do a lot of business in the winter plowing people's sidewalks and driveways. And we also do some commercial property, too.

But between you and I, this season really needs to come to an end. I want to say, "Enough already!" The snow is really nice to watch when it is falling, but we have set some records this year and it's just too much!

But the GOOD NEWS is that tonight (Saturday night), RICK, my BOYFRIEND, will be spending the night with me! And since I am writing this on Valentine's Day, that means I get to spend Valentine's Day night with him! YAY!

I have one of the company plow trucks here at the house, so on Sunday morning (when you will be reading this) I will be able to plow our way over to RICK's house and drop him off there before I head out on my plowing rounds.

I am getting ready now (remember I am writing this on Saturday before the snow starts) to head out and pick up some last minute supplies and that includes some things I am going to make for dinner tonight to celebrate Valentine's Day with my honey!

So this will be a pretty short post, but I also wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS to my friends Brad and Matty on their engagement!!!! I am SO HAPPY for them!! And I told them I would be more than happy if there was any thing I could do to help them with their plans.

And guess what they said when I told them this? They said they had already wanted to include me in some way if I would like to help. And I started crying (like I usually do when I get a little emotional) because that means a LOT to me that they had already wanted to include me in some way. I said I would be honored!

And then they asked if RICK might be interested in helping, too. And after I stopped crying again (just a little bit), I said I was sure he would LOVE to be involved. So when I asked RICK, he smiled so big and said, "Of course I'll do any thing they ask. That's awesome they included me."

Well, that is all I have for this Sunday. By the time you are reading this, just picture me in the company plow truck going to all the different houses that hired us. I will be concentrating very hard on being safe and doing a good job, but I will also feel a lump in my throat and my heart will be filled with all kinds of joy because, well....... I have a good life now. And it is filled with the best friends in the world, and the best BOYFRIEND in the world, even though Brad and Matty might disagree with that!! HA! HA!

Oh wait. They said they are not BOYFRIENDS any more. They are each other's fiancé! Ah ha! Then that does mean I have the best BOYFRIEND in the world!! LOL!

And that makes me very happy!

Have a great Sunday every body! See you next week, hopefully with out all the snow!

Love and Hugs, Sam-I-Am

Saturday, February 14, 2015

A special Valentine's Day announcement

To my Dearest Bradley,

Every day I seem to fall in love with you all over again.

Never in my life have I ever felt this happy.

Growing. The word that describes how our love has strengthened us.

Always. The word that describes how long I see our love lasting.

Grateful. The word that describes how lucky I feel having you in my life.

Everything. The word that describes what you mean to me.

Dear. The word that describes how precious your love is to me.

It might be a little corny that I used the first letters of each of those sentences to spell "engaged," but I think you're probably use to my corny side by now!

It's so special that we're now engaged to be married. I'll have to get use to introducing you differently now. Instead of, "I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Brad," I'll now be saying, "I'd like you to meet my fiancé, Brad."

I look at you and see the love of my life. 

I look into our future and see the love 
we'll have for our children.

You, my love, are my inspiration.

Love you forever,

Matty, your fiancé.


[To our readers: We'll be writing in more detail in the upcoming days and weeks. I can go ahead and tell you we haven't set a date yet. I can also tell you I must have a tiny problem with my right knee because I had a little trouble getting up from kneeling when I proposed to him. And I suppose you've already deduced that he said Yes, with some happy tears in his eyes. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!]

Friday, February 13, 2015

Finding balance

I've been talking a lot about all the stress I've been under over the past couple of weeks.
Beginning my counseling has been a really good thing and I remain hopeful about it, but there's a lot to it that's still unknown. I had a really difficult session last week because I felt ready to open up some more about what happened to me, and before I knew it I was getting very overwhelmed. Seems like I have years worth of crying I haven't done yet, and it felt like it was all coming out at once in the session.
I was moving too fast and the counselor really helped me slow down. So in the session he taught me this grounding exercise where I had to put both feet on the floor and we did some deep breathing. It really worked, too. He asked me to notice how the back of the chair I was in felt on my back, how it felt to have my hands on the arms of the chair, and then to notice my intake and exhale of breath.
It was incredible how calming that was for me. Some of it was knowing I was being taken care of by the psychologist, who I really like and trust. He helped make the space in his office feel safe.
We wants to focus for now on some preparation work, which is how to manage my emotions when I start getting flooded, or when I start flashing back to the attack. He also wants me to do some reading on trauma so we'll have some framework for understanding what's happening and also so he and I will have a common language to use.
I also had a huge insight -- well, it was huge for me. Others have mentioned this before but I guess it's finally starting to sink in so I can use this insight to get my bearings. The insight may seem pretty obvious, but to this point I haven't been able to really believe it fully. The insight is that I had all control taken away from me when I was ambushed and attacked.
There was nothing I could do except try my best to protect myself. But deep down inside I've always held on to this idea that I could have done something to prevent the attack from having taken place.
If I just hadn't been walking alone, this wouldn't have happened. Therefore I had a part in making myself vulnerable.
If I hadn't been open about my sexual orientation in high school, this wouldn't have happened. Therefore I had a part in making myself vulnerable.
If only I had been in better physical shape, I might have been able to better defend and protect myself. Therefore I had a part in making myself vulnerable.
My counselor says these are very common thoughts people have who have been through this kind of trauma. I guess it's a way the mind has to try and make sense of that loss of control. But he also said that in the counseling, he's going to help me challenge those beliefs because those beliefs are not rational.
He said he fully appreciates that this is the way my mind is currently dealing with the loss of control, but in the long run these beliefs are not only inaccurate, but they keep me "stuck" in the trauma. He explained it better, but that's what I got out of what he was explaining.
So if you look at that sign up there, I can apply it to this issue. What I get out of it is that I can't go back and change what happened. But the second part is key. I can find the courage to change all those beliefs I have about what happened. I know that might sound a little shallow or something, but for now it's a starting point for me. Learning how to process something I had no control over.
And now to the other thing that has been stressing me. The weather. Yeah, the weather. I've been obsessed with it so much. I'm so tired of back-to-back storms -- physically and emotionally. I won't go over all the stuff I've already written about how drained it makes me, but it's really had a major negative impact on my mood. I'm so physically tired, so emotionally tired, irritable, moody, anxious, depressed, on edge, not sleeping, having some of my nightmares, fatigued, you name it.
Every time a weather report comes on announcing two or three or four more upcoming snow storms in the coming week, I get so irritable and anxious and depressed. It's hard to drive on the streets, there's no place to put any additional snow, and nobody wants to be sociable anymore because we're all sick of it.
So I was talking about all this to Mary G the other night and she said, "This crazy weather is something that is out of your control. Do you think that's part of the issue?" And then it hit me like a ton of bricks! That made so much sense and ties in with the trauma issue in one respect.
Yeah, I know experiencing bad weather is not on the same level as having been ambushed and attacked, but there's that same tie-in issue they both have in common: The attack was out of my control. The weather is out of my control. And the key thing I have to concentrate on is this:
I can't change what happened with the attack. I can't change the awful weather patterns. BUT (going back to that sign up there) I CAN change it's grip on me! I don't have to be the victim, all woe-is-me.
So now with the weather, my attitude is this: It looks like the snow storms are going to continue for a while. It's going to be stressful. BUT I'm taking the attitude, "Okay, I'm not going to get so worked up over it. I'll just do the best I can and not overwhelm myself. It sucks but it's not worth wearing myself out and losing sleep and getting depressed." THAT is what I have control over. Not the weather -- not the attack -- but my attitude.
So the title of my post today is Finding  balance. Finding that balance between accepting the things I can't change, and changing the things I can. Someone told me that quote by Neibuhr is the definition of serenity.
And man, oh man, I need me some serenity right about now. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Surprising myself

Over the weekend, our Mary G posted this sign on G+ for me, Matty, and Sam.
She captioned it with, Maybe this will help.Emoji 

A whole bunch of people joined in the fun and I've selected some of the comments to include in my post today. I'm doing this because I sorta surprised myself with my humor. And especially how spontaneous it was -- and unfiltered! And believe me, this is SO out of character for me. I'm usually obsessing about every little thing I say because I worry it might not come out just right, but for some unexplained reason I was so unfiltered when I was commenting on this post Mary did!!

I wrote a post a while back about how I was going to try and just let my humor start coming out more, and even though I didn't sit there and plan my comments before I wrote them, I must have been in a mood where I was a little more unfiltered than usual.

But man, oh man! I had a blast! It was amazing to see how people joined in the fun. I still to this day cannot believe I just typed out that first comment, which you'll see in a minute. And then it put me in such a great mood because people seemed to enjoy all the banter back and forth.

I kept going back over the whole post and would giggle each time. I went to bed that night in the BEST mood ever! I really need to let myself have this kind of fun more and more. Matty said the next morning I was "friskier" in bed than usual, so I guess all that energy I got from letting myself be more uninhibited really paid off! In more ways than one! HAHA. Hope you enjoy reading this.

[Immediately under the pic Mary posted, this is an abbreviated version of comments some people left. A number of other people left smiley faces or "LOL"s, but this is the basic version I wanted to present]

Kari: Hahaha!

Brad: LOL. See that deck? That's our deck. See those knives? They're from my kitchen. Die. Die. Die. :)

Mary : Lol Brad!

Kari: Brad, I'm shocked! Lol

Sam: HA HA HA. Awww. Poor Mr. Snowman. Not. HA HA HA!! I think I have all the overtime I need for this winter. It's time for him to leave now!! HA!

Sam: Approach Brad with caution. Somebody lead him back inside and I'll clean things up here. heehee

Mary : Lol Sam.

Brad: I just need some hot cocoa (double dark chocolate) with marshmellows and then I'll be all right. LOL :)

Matt: Oh my. I'm out front shoveling and there's mayhem on the back deck! LOL. I'm now making a white flag of surrender to Winter!! LOL

Mary : Lol Matt! It's about time!

Kari: I'm seeing a side of Brad I've never seen before! Go Brad Go!

Brad: LOL!! I almost can't believe it came out like that!! haha The beast does come out sometimes! These back-to-back storms are wearing on my delicate nerves (snicker). And no comment on my delicate nerves from you, Matty! hee hee!! Ahhhhh. Now that I got it out I feel sooooo much better. lol

Mary : Brad, I think you're just looking for a snow job from poor, tired Matt.

Brad: Hmmmm. A snow job. Yeah, something like that. I'll hide his shovel so he'll have to get a snow blower. Yeah, that's is. Something that'll blow the snow. Yeah. I like that idea. (who am I tonight? LOL!!)

Mary : OMG LMAO! Who are you and what have you done with poor innocent Bradley?

Brad: OMG. I don't know what's happened! Come rescue me before this gets worse.. OMG. hahaha :)

Mary : No!! We love funny, naughty Brad, too!

Kari: Naughty Brad. Wait until I tell Deedles!

Mary : Uh oh! Lol!

Brad: Oh no. Auntie Deedles will have a field day with this! I can just hear her getting ahold of this! LOL!!

Mary: I screen shotted EVERYTHING Brad!

Kari: Me too, Mary!!

Mary: Hahaha busted!

Kari: I just sent it to Deedles! She will love it!

Brad: Oh Noes!!! Deedles has it?? Well. Let me think. Give me a minute. Okay, here's what's going down. Deedles knows I'm innocent and totally pure. As pure as the falling snow. I'll just tell her, um, Matty broke into my email and posted all those naughty things. That it was really him saying all that and not sweet and pure and innocent me. Yeah! That's the ticket. That was really Matty. hahaha. Now I'm getting in my jammies to settle in for the night. I can't wait to see what Deedles has to say about what, um, Matty wrote in my name! LOL

Mary: Good luck with that, Brad. Sweet dreams. <3

Kari: Haha!, Brad. Blame it on Matty!

Mary: Deedles is going to start calling you BADley.

Kari: OMG, now Mary is thinking like Deedles!

Mary: Lol!


Okay, so that's the thread I wanted to share. Matty just jumped in once because he was outside shoveling snow and I yelled for him to come in and watch the thread unfold. I told him Mary and Kari were corrupting me! LOL. And he said, "What?"

And then he read what I had written and told me. "Honey, you just keep your inner corruption hidden. They just gave you the chance to let it come out!" LOL!!!

And then Matty said everyone thought I was hilarious and they were enjoying my humor. He told me he likes to see that side of me come out.

And I realized maybe I keep a tight lid on my humor for some reason. I told him I was being really mischievous! And, well, I enjoyed it!! LOL! 

So I guess there might be no holding me back anymore. Now all I have to wait for is Deedles's comments. [whispers: Really, Deedles, I'm about as innocent and pure as the snow. You believe me, right?]